The Modern Mr. and Mrs.
Learn From Your Past
Acknowledge Your Present
Change Your Future
Relationship & Recovery Coaching
Hey there! If your relationship is struggling, or you’re suffering from SSA* and betrayal trauma, then you are in the right place, my friend! The Modern Mr. and Mrs. LLC is here to help you get the relationship you desire and recover! I have been in many relationships -some good, some bad- and I am now married with a little one! I was like you, trying to find the right relationship, or improve the one I was in!
You’re probably thinking, “This is the relationship I want, but it’s just not working!” I totally relate to that. My husband hid his pornography addiction from me, and when I found out, I was thinking, “WTF?! This IS NOT what I signed up for!” Maybe your partner doesn’t have an addiction, but maybe they spend too much money or work too much, or they might just not want sex that often and it drives you up the wall.
Let me tell you, there is hope! You can have the relationship you desire and you can recover! It just … takes two to tango, so to speak! And you know what the best time is to improve your relationship?
It’s NOW.
Not later, when you’ve been unhappy for years on end thinking, “When will they change? When will I be important to them? Won’t they just listen?”
*SSA = Sexual Stimulation Addiction (masturbation, pornography, and/or sex addiction)
At The Mod you will find that Tim, Chloe, and I are here for you. We are all successful in our recoveries from SSA & BT but our focus is on your healing, not you watching us heal. We are here to help you recover when you’re ready, so you can be where we are.
Only 5% of SSA’s hit 5 years clean and beyond. That’s a low number! That needs to change. That’s why we are here.
Chloe’s husband is over 4 years clean. My husband is over 3 years clean. Tim is over 2 years clean.
Not many addicts make it as far as 2, 3, 4, and 5+ years. But we know how to do it. We know how to get you there, and we know how to get the betrayed through their trauma. Not only that, but we know how to reconstruct a new healthy relationship.
HOW?
We’ve been there and done it. Chloe and I don’t have successful marriages by chance. We both worked a very similar approach to recovery and witnessed other addicts follow our approach and saw success.
Chloe, Tim, and I have been in the trenches, and through years of hard work, of trial and error, of pain, of effort, of commitment, we found the way out. We are here to help pull you out too.
The Problem?
Most help out there for couples struggling with SSA & BT don’t have a place to go where the expert or professional understands the dynamics at hand. Many couples end up being retraumatized by the very professional that was supposed to help them!
Therapists often blame the partner or claim the partner is codependent or co-addicted, which is so wrong! And, the field of therapy doesn’t even acknowledge pornography and/or sex addiction as a real problem, talk about invalidating! Many therapists think this entire field of SSA is a laughing matter. It’s not. If only they understood the deep damage that comes from this addiction and trauma, then retraumatization wouldn’t occur.
So, when the SSA finally does have the courage to seek help, they can be let down in many ways. We’ve experienced this first hand, my husband and I. One therapist who claimed to specialize in pornography addiction told my husband that he didn’t have an addiction and that I needed to let it go because I was insecure. Another therapist that we went to, told me to loosen my boundaries, thus creating an unsafe relationship environment. Another story that comes to mind, is an SSA who had a therapist him and his partner saw, that told them, “all men do it” and that his partner needed to accept it, as she laughed unprofessionally at the mere thought of her expecting her husband to change. Not only do these “professionals” enable the addict, they traumatize the partner further.
That is unacceptable.
On A Positive Note
We are here, and we understand your situation. We 100% believe that you can do this! You can achieve the freedom from addiction and trauma AND gain the relationship you want. It takes work as anything would, but it’s worth it!
But how do you do this? Well, you learn. You literally need to learn the recovery and relationship skills (which are also life skills if you think about it). But no one teaches these essential skills that can make your relationship thrive. Did you learn it in school? No. Did you learn it from your friends? No. Did you learn it from your parents? Maybe.
Good News, You’re in the Right Place!
That’s right, we are here to help you get your relationship back on track!
Need help with triggers and urges? We got you!
Need help with boundaries and consequences? We got you!
Need help with communicating? We got you!
Need help with creating and keeping intimacy? We got you!
Need help with improving your sex life? Oh hell yeah, we got you!
And how do we do this?
From knowledge, education, and experience.
We have been where you are – stuck in shame, feeling unloved, being disconnected, feeling alone, unheard and unimportant. But it doesn’t have to be that way!
What’s The Catch?
The catch is, you and your partner both have to commit to this, and that means moving beyond fear, shame, and embarrassment. There is nothing wrong with you or your partner. It’s simply that you two are different people with different backgrounds that never had the skills to tackle this issue. Recovery from SSA and BT takes real skills. And if you’ve never learned these skills, then it’s a million times harder to try to heal from this.
Aside from getting past shame, embarrassment or fear… you also have to be honest. Without honesty, this won’t work. You’re going to have to acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses. You have to be ready to say, “Hey, I need help and that’s okay.”
Stop feeling alone and lost. We are here to guide the way to healing and
Testimonials
“Before joining The Betrayed I felt lost and alone. Since finding this group I am more informed and stronger. The biggest impact has been being able to talk to other betrayed spouses that can relate and has helped tremendously. I love all the articles and tools the coaches provide. I appreciate that they call everything what it is and allow the freedom to speak freely and openly. In my SANON group we have to use different lingo for certain things to not trigger people (which I get) like, “acting out” instead of masturbating. I love that there’s no judgement on here and if people feel like using curse words to explain how they feel, the coaches allow it.
I feel stronger about being able to call out and recognize when my husband is gaslighting me, I’ve gained more self-confidence, and I don’t feel alone anymore. I love that Tim can offer a male perspective/point of view and give the betrayed insight into what an SSA is thinking. I love that Savannah and Chloe come at this from experienced betrayed partners and can offer wisdom on how to navigate this disease. I especially appreciate that you all don’t sugar coat anything.
If you’re thinking of joining, this group gives you an outlet when you might not have anyone else to talk to. Being able to reach out at 10 or 11 at night and talking to someone is a great release. Even if no one responds, it’s almost like journaling. I just have to say thank you to the coaches for starting this group! Having an outlet to speak freely and openly has helped me tremendously, especially when I can’t call a friend or reach out to my therapist for guidance!”
“Before joining The Betrayed FB Group, it was just after D-Day and the ensuing discussion with hubby, so completely devastated in every aspect of my life. I thought everything I had lived was an utter lie and wasn’t sure I could even stay married. At the moment, we are actively working recovery. We have a new vision in mind for our marriage, relationship, and lives. This group has gotten me going in the right direction. I couldn’t imagine living with the pain I had, indefinitely.
The most valuable part of The Betrayed is the coaches. The areas of expertise/specialty and the way they each go about responding to members is so valuable. I feel like my husband and I are finally able to start digging into the true problem we’ve been experiencing all our relationship. I also feel like maybe I could move in the direction of truly loving myself instead of putting on a face. I feel like this has been an opportunity to discover the true beauty in life, still more work to do, but we have so much gratitude for everything.
If you’re thinking about joining the free Facebook group, if you’re committed to healing, why not try the group. These coaches have helped point us in the right direction and we are seeing real change. I appreciate everything Savannah, Tim, and Chloe do for every member in The Betrayed. I’m starting to see a lot of pain in this world and more people like you guys helping others through their pain is essential for the world to heal.”
“Before entering SSR I was feeling a little apprehensive, nervous, and actually a tad excited. I feel almost all my apprehension is gone and feel quite comfortable sharing with the guys in SSR. I would say learning about myself and the brain and addiction has had the biggest impact on my recovery. The most valuable part of SSR is the relationship suggestions the coaches give, and knowing that I can both support and love my wife in a safer and healthier environment now that I’m in recovery.
I have been able to, for the first time, be completely honest with my wife, and able to be comfortable with sharing with her what I used to think was insignificant or silly feelings from day to day. SSR has helped our relationship feel that spark again through coaching on true intimacy and relationship values, and on a mental, physical, and spiritual level. Everything from our thoughts, feelings, looks, kisses, and hugs have been amplified. Even the most base intimacy is so special again. Tim, Chloe, and Savannah have helped my wife and I exercise self control through the idea of the 90 day celibacy, which is also from what we’re seeing to be an awesome way to reset ourselves and our brains!
It’s pretty special the way Chloe, Tim, and Savannah communicate their messages to the group and how they conduct themselves in a professional, yet welcoming manner. If you’re thinking about joining SSR, go for it! I am genuinely and purely enjoying this group, course, and posts. I love learning about myself and enjoying the self improvement. I am always checking Slack to see if there’s a new post or response, to the point where my work day is longer because I pull my truck over to read the posts all the time!”
“Before joining SSR at The Mod, I was lost with no sense of what was wrong with me. By joining SSR I have a clear view of what I must do to have the life I want. SSR has let me know I am not alone in this fight and gives me the resources I need to help me recover from this addiction. The best part of SSR is having Tim, Chloe, and Savannah 24/7 to answer my thoughts and questions. I’ve already seen a change in the communication with my wife about my feelings, I understand what addiction is now and how to fight it, and I have hope now, when 2 months ago I didn’t have any. Tim, Savannah, and Chloe work well together. If you’re thinking about joining SSR, just try it and see what good coaching can do for your life and family!”
“Before entering Savannah’s program, I was feeling scared, but somewhat hopeful but unsure about how the program could help us. When we graduated the program, I felt confident that we had the tools, skills, and resources to work on our relationship and overcome obstacles as they come up; I also feel way more emotionally “open” with James. The biggest impact the program had was working on trust and open communication in the moment, especially with regards to arguing (or, preventing arguments) and learning how to argue effectively.
I found the most value came from the 60-minute sessions and the homework was extremely beneficial. Honestly, the entire program was super intentional and beneficial. Our relationship has changed with having fewer arguments, we feel more emotionally open/connected and have more one-on-one time that is more intentional and balanced (i.e. we go out AND stay in). Savannah is extremely compassionate and knowledgeable and validating. Her program is clear cut and straight forward while also being challenging and validating to our individual needs (as well as our needs as a couple).
If you have tried other types of help and are thinking about joining Savannah’s program, DO IT! Seriously, I couldn’t recommend Savannah and her program enough. Having a third-party who is objective while also being empathetic and validating is a RARE find in a coach of ANY sort. Savannah is someone who is very intuitive and patient. She treats you both as individuals while also teaching you how to be an actual team as a couple. I am SO grateful for Savannah and her program. My relationship with James is one of the most important relationships I have ever had. Before her program I was honestly doubting our abilities to live together and to make it through as a team. Savannah’s help honestly saved us, and I am confident we will be together for many more years to come!”
“In the Relationship Ready Program, I entered feeling really frustrated with dating. Leaving this program I’ve felt optimistic going forward! This programs made me feel more confident in the dating world. I loved established accountability. I was able to ask someone out, joined dating apps, and overall feel more confident. I love that Savannah explains the science and research to back her methods.”
“I have a background of being the victim of sexual abuse, and a history of pornography, masturbation, and orgasm that spans decades. I have been in therapy, sexual addiction treatment facilities, and many 12-Step Programs. Savannah Esposito is one of the most thoroughly knowledgeable SME (Subject Matter Experts) I have ever had the privilege to know. Her advice and words of wisdom is unsurpassed and unparalleled. I would highly recommend her as your relationship coach.”
“This course helped me gain a fresh new look on relationships. It truly resonated with me and not only helped within my relationship but helped me identify things internally I didn’t realize were happening!! You can’t put a price on the realizations and perspective you gain! I 100% recommend!”
“Working with Savannah at The Modern Mr. and Mrs. was a very enjoyable experience and her communication the entire time was great. Everything we worked on together moved quickly because of how helpful she was and I’d highly recommend her website and services to all that are lucky enough to come across them.”
“Savannah of The Modern Mr. and Mrs. wrote
“My husband and I took this course together, and we loved how much closer it made us! We were able to understand each other’s behaviors and perspectives more than we ever have before, and we had some amazing conversations. In addiction, I work as a counselor and case manager. I use information from this course to help my clients improve their relationships. Such an amazing experience, one I recommend to everyone no matter where you are in life.”
