Today’s society is immersed in technology. There have been many benefits from technology, but one con has been that even though technology creates connections, it has, at the same time created disconnection. Specifically disconnection within families and couples. In my own marriage and relationship with Jak, technology has both impacted our relationship positively and negatively. Even before Jak, dating was negatively impacted by technology.

When I was still dating, before I met Jak, there would be dates I would go on where the guy was glued to his phone and wouldn’t talk. Those were the worst dates. It showed me that the guy had no interest in being on the date, was probably on tinder, and just not willing to connect. Dating and romance have been changed with the technological advances that have been made. No longer do you go to a bar and meet a guy, but rather swipe a picture to see if you have any interest in talking to them, and then if you talk, you meet. Often times the dates from those apps are vacant of deep conversations and one or both parties check their phones throughout the date. We as humans crave connection, yet technology has interfered with achieving that very goal. Whether the technology has made the individual socially anxious and unable to talk to someone of the opposite sex, or whether the individual prefers technology to a person’s company, we are losing the ability to connect.

Some negative impacts technology has on relationships is the dependence we have on our devices. Instead of turning towards your partner to connect, you’re stuck on your device. I know that for Jak and myself, there have been times where technology has gotten in the way of connection. When Jak and I were first dating, Jak was glued to his phone, even when out on dates. I said for dates we should keep our phones away. Once we went out and talked during our dates, our connection was more genuine. We were more engaged and were able to get to know more about each other. In our marriage, technology still can interrupt connection if we aren’t too careful. Some people love technology and don’t see any harm, but there are a lot of couples who are disconnected because of technology. Instead of watching Netflix all night, surprise your partner with a home cooked dinner and talk the night away. I am also a victim of wanting to watch Netflix in the evening, but Jak and I do our best to try to make sure we talk before the TV or any technology is turned on.

With the new job at Conscious Talk Magazine, I have been writing articles for them, writing posts for my blog, as well as working on a project that only subscribers know about. With all the writing responsibilities I have, I sometimes am on my computer when Jak gets home. I don’t always shut the computer to greet him, and I’ve learned that it’s been creating disconnection. So I’ve done my best to make sure I get all essential writing done before 4:30 PM, so that if I am in the middle of writing an article, it’s not the end of the world if I have to stop in the middle. If I am able to greet Jak when he comes home, then we usually are able to sit down and talk about our day and connect. Theres a time and place for technology, but your partner should be prioritized over sitting in front of a screen.

Often times both Jak and I have expressed to each other on occasion that we wish the other person would put down their phone, or get off the computer to hang out and be engaged. If couples feel disengaged outside the bedroom, then the distance in the bedroom can be vast. Sex these days, thanks to apps like Tinder, has become a game. Sex is achievable without emotional connection and with endless amounts of partners. Sex has lost its meaning over the years. Sex is a way to connect to another individual like no other. Sex not only creates physical intimacy but emotional intimacy. When sex is taken and turned into a game of achieving having sex with the “hottest” person or the “most” people, then there is no connection involved and it’s a way to use people to achieve some goal. That is very sad, and with culture these days embracing porn and sex apps like tinder, couples connection has faded and diminished. It’s no wonder some of the most searched terms in google are “my husband/wife is disconnected” “How to emotionally connect with your bf/gf.”

Technology has its place in our lives. It can enhance your learning, your ability to talk to people around the world and make connections you never thought possible. When it comes to your intimate life, where you interact with your significant other, family members, and friends, technology should be put aside so you can genuinely interact with the other individual.

XOXO Savvy