Q: So I caught my husband lying the other day about who he was talking to on the phone with. I heard a woman’s voice and they were talking secretively. My husband thought I was outside but I came in for water and heard him in the other room. I asked who he was talking with and he said a co-worker. I asked which one, and he said the guy I met at one of those holiday company parties. I let him think I believed him and did some digging and looked at the phone records and there is one number he is always texting and calling. I called the number, and a woman answered the phone. I hung up. I think my husband is having an affair and don’t know what to do now, I feel so blindsided! I even found a coffee cup in his car with lipstick on it! I know that’s not definitive proof, but something is going on and I don’t know what to do with all this.
A: First off I am sorry that you have caught your husband lying and that it’s possible he is having an affair. If you do believe he is having an affair then you need to take care of yourself and you need to be able to confront him with whatever evidence you have to back up your claim, because when someone is caught in an affair they usually will say, “You have no proof!” So have some proof, even if circumstantial. Also ask to see his phone, if he has nothing to hide, he will give it to you with no hesitancy. If he is hesitant or resistant, that is not a good sign. If he is indeed having an affair and admits to the affair, you then have a choice to make. Stay or leave. Most times, the betrayed spouse needs certain things to stay in a relationship after cheating has occurred. This packet is a great resource for how to rebuild trust after cheating if you want to rebuild the marriage. The only way you will ever know the truth is if you have an honest talk with your husband. It sounds like something might be going on, but you won’t know for sure unless you ask him, and once honesty takes place, that is when real healing can begin. Good luck!