In marriage, your spouse is not only your lover but more importantly your teammate, your best friend. Marriage takes work and takes support from each partner to make the marriage successful. When two people in a marriage are not working as a team, the marriage will suffer. One person might be moving faster than the other and the other is left behind. I was reading an article by Dr. Steve Stephens, and found a blurb from the article so funny and knew that Jak would be able to relate to it, so I sent it to him. He found it amusing as well.
Meg and Eddie were stuck.
Meg insisted that marriage was hard work — that a couple had to stand together and struggle through a host of difficulties. She believed that challenges were a normal part of any relationship and that they were simply something to overcome.
Eddie thought that if two people loved each other, marriage should be smooth and easy. He believed that difficulties were a sign of crisis and that there should be no problems in a good marriage.
The young couple came to me to find out who was right.
I asked Eddie, “If you have the car of your dreams, what do you do to keep it running smoothly?”
“You change the oil every three thousand miles, rotate the tires, keep your fluids topped off, and make sure you respond quickly when something doesn’t sound right.
“Does that take much work?”
“Of course it does,” Eddie laughed, “but if you don’t take care of the details, you’ll pay the price.”
“That’s the way it is with marriage, “I said. “If you want it to run properly you have to take care of it. And that means regular and consistent maintenance.”
I am using the quote from Dr. Steve Stephens to demonstrate that marriage is not easy just because you found the “perfect” person for you. Like like a plant needs water, marriage needs “water” too.
This past weekend Jak and I went to a childbirth class, and afterward, we felt immensely closer and were more open and knowledgeable when discussing what the birthing plan would ideally be. This morning I was very nervous to go to the OBGYN because I knew they were doing the strep test. It’s a simple test done with a swab and depending on the results you are either fine to give birth without taking any meds or will need to take antibiotics so that the specific bacteria doesn’t harm the baby.
Now, I am a chicken when it comes to doctors, pelvic exams, needles, etc. I’ve always gotten a bit anxious and possibly nauseated. When the doctor was in the room explaining what was going to happen today she knew I was nervous and so when the test was happening Jak was holding my hand, saying, “Look at me, not at the doctor” and keeping me present. Now, the test hurt SO bad! It was a stinging dry pain, and it was not fun. The doctor explained that I was sensitive because Xander was putting lots of pressure down there, and there was lots of blood flow and such. The doctor said, “You two are wonderful. It’s great seeing you two be such an amazing team. You’re going to need this kind of support during labor.” Jak and I smiled at each other. The doctor left the room, and I realized I had bled a little from the test and that is when I felt a bit nauseated. Jak gave me my clothes, helped me get dressed hugged me and we drove home.
I cried a bit on the way home feeling like if I couldn’t even handle a stupid swab, how could I handle birth, and Jak reminded me there were different kinds of pains, and didn’t make me feel lame for getting woozy at the sight of blood, but instead empathized with me. When we got home he tucked me into bed because I felt so out of it and exhausted (due to lack of sleep) and he kissed my forehead and made sure I had water, my phone, and computer near in case I needed them.
I write about this example because while I originally was feeling overwhelmed and anxious about the doctor’s appointment, Jak knew that and acted accordingly to be the best support, to be my teammate to get me through that appointment. Not only was he being my teammate at the appointment but after the appointment. One of the greatest feelings in marriage is feeling like you know that your spouse has your back, that you’re not alone, and that they will be with you, especially during scary or hard times.
I woke up around 1:20 pm and I was so shocked. I didn’t realize I had been that tired. But I am glad that Jak put me to bed because I obviously needed it (hence why this post is being posted so late in the day).
When you know that your spouse is your teammate you not only feel loved and supported by them but you feel a sense of trust. Those are some very important things in marriage. Knowing that when you falter, your spouse is there to catch you is such a safe feeling. Because, in marriage, you two have become one. If one of you suffers, you both suffer, if one of you succeeds you both succeed. I think people can forget that when they get caught up in the day to day routines of life. But it’s so important to slow down, take a minute, and connect with your spouse, make sure you know what’s going on in each other’s lives, see what you both can do to make it easier for the other. Marriage is about support, communication, love, support, and trust.
lovely heartfelt post. I agree, it takes a lot of hard work for two people to stay together. I do not believe in marriage ( for me, Im happy when people who do believe in it get married) but yes, close relationships need a lot of care and attention to thrive
Thanks! And yes, whether someone is married or simply committed to each other either way the relationship takes work.
you’re alright, Savvy. Once Xander is born, you’ll be able to look back at these times and smile. I didn’t like taking my husband during my appointments. he was the chicken in the couple, and i’d end up having to comfort him. you’re a lucky woman.
Thanks! See normally Jak is the more scared one, but I told him that the one thing I need from him is his strength during this. If he appears strong and comforting then it makes me more relaxed. Nothing is worse than seeing the people around you panic when you yourself are trying not to panic 😛
I say yes to being a team. It is the pillar. In any team people are different and have their own strengths, sales, hr, management, palnning, etc. I see marriage as a healthy distribution of labor-force across project ‘family’.
That is sweet. I think when people are compatible, it does bring a lot of effortlessness into the relationship. I guess it isn’t “easy” but it is definitely simple. It’s painful to watch 2 people who aren’t compatible try and make it work. It seems so stressful! Lol.