Only four weeks left (if Xander comes on time). I cannot even express the anxiety I have about giving birth. I am scared of the pain. I worry about how long the process will be and if I have the strength to endure it. I guess the unknown is the worst part. I have to “go with the flow” which is not my personality. I am someone who likes to know what the plan is, have things be predictable, organized, etc.

My true worry is that I won’t have the strength to do this. I can’t imagine how hard this is going to be. I know tons of women give birth every day, but I sometimes wonder how I’ll be able to handle the pains, the duration. I know I have my comforts and idea’s of coping skills, but I really won’t know what works until I go through it. Another worry is that my parents are going to be traveling a week before the due date, so if things don’t go according to plan then my fear would be that they would be out of the state when I go into labor. I also am the first person in my family that is alive to be going through birth. No one in my family has experienced this. I guess I feel more unprepared because of that.

I’ve talked to other moms, and no one wants to give details, which I understand. Some moms don’t even remember. I guess I feel like I am driving in a foreign place with no roadmap. Out of control is a good way to express that. I know that when I do go into labor then that is the only way I’ll start to have an idea of what I’m in for. That’s when I will know what is and isn’t working. So really, it’s just a waiting game for now.

XOXO Savvy