Romance. Hearing the word brings images to mind like flowers, chocolates, candles, dinner dates. Those acts are often done at the very beginning of relationships when you are “woo-ing” that person. As time passes, the romantic acts begin to fade into the past, and life happens. Busy careers, conflicting school schedules, kids, and stress do not mix well to put one in a romantic mood. So the priority of romance drops down the life latter and is often forgotten. Once romance is forgotten for a period, you and your spouse seem to be roommates, or “friends with benefits” as most of your time together might be talking about the kids, figuring out finances, or just sitting on the couch with take-out and Netflix. There is a distance you might feel, and you might wonder how do I get “us” back? Romance.
Romance should never be underestimated. There definitely are people who aren’t traditional romantics, but that doesn’t mean you can’t show your love for them. The key to romance is that your partner just wants to know that they are special and thought of at the end of the day. How might you bring romance back into your relationship or marriage? Simple, you know your partner, right?
- Make a list of all the things they love. If your wife loves red roses, write that down! If he loves baseball write it down! Just brainstorm, to begin with. Once you have a good list of things that are personal then we can go on to the next phase.
- Now, choose a couple of items from your list, and you write down a couple of ideas that are romantic. This idea should reflect what makes your partner feel special and loved and known only the way you would know them.
- For example, my husband loves cars and coffee. So a romantic idea would be to get up early for him, make coffee, have it ready for him when he is awake, and then we could go out to his favorite place for breakfast. I would have him choose a piece of paper out of a hat that has a place of all his favorite dinner date places, and he wouldn’t know what he is picking out of the hat. I would excuse myself to the bathroom, call the restaurant make a reservation. Once we are done with breakfast, we would do his favorite activities all day, and I would have to send him out for an errand so I could make the bedroom romantic. Since he doesn’t like flowers, I would have printed out pictures of his favorite cars (year, color, type, etc.) and spread them across the bed and have a trail to the bed, have candles ready to be lit, and a playlist of his favorite music that could also be good for a romantic mood. So now, once he gets home, if it’s about time for dinner, I’d be dressed up nicely and tell him to wear whatever he feels comfortable in, and then I’d blindfold him. He’d be confused, but I wouldn’t tell him where we are going and I’d drive us to the restaurant. (by the way, I would be paying for everything for this day, breakfast, anything he wants to buy at any place we go, dinner, etc.) So after dinner, we would get home, and the bedroom would be ready. I’d light the candles before he gets in the bedroom so when he gets there, it would be a nice surprise.
- The planning. Make sure that if you need other people to pull this off, that you consult with them. Nothing is worse than the planning fall through in the middle of your romantic gesture. And what you plan doesn’t have to be grand or huge, unless you know that’s what makes your partner feel romanced, the gesture can also be simple and sweet.
So how does romance happen? It comes down to effort, knowledge of your partner and what makes them feel special and loved, and details. I found this article on romance and found it to be funny yet had some good points. Start the new year off with some romance and show your partner how much they mean to you!
I think these are great ideas, we always need to remember to have that romance in our marriage. After kids it kind of dies for a little bit.
It’s true, Xander is 6 weeks old and it’s hard to sometimes find time, but it’s so worth it in the end!
I’m impressed with the effort you put forth in planning for your husband. I’ve been married for 30 years so it’s refreshing to read your post. In my life, it means a lot to each of us if we listen carefully when the other is talking. I know it sounds strange but after so many years it can be busy and easy to tune one another out because you become so comfortable. And it still takes the effort to keep the romance alive. But, it’s also rewarding so it’s worth it. Having a lifelong companion is worth some sacrifices, not always having things my way, and sticking with someone who’s not perfect, because I’m not perfect either of course!
Thanks! Yeah, I am pretty good at romance and surprises for him, been doing that since I met him. It is very worth it!
Life when you have kids becomes survival mode. It’s nice to take 5 mins and think about why you fell in love and how much they mean to you. As my hubby says its the small things that mean the most. Like making his cup of coffee.
Yes, so true! Xander is 6 weeks and it can be hard to find time to sit down and have a minute together, but I do love talking about how I met him with him, brings back all those happy butterfly feelings! And yes, it truly is the small things!
It’s so important to keep the romance alive in marriage! This is a great reminder and you have inspired me to try and come up with something special for my husband!
Yes, it is, and glad I inspired! I hope your husband loves whatever you do for him!
Making a list. What a simple, but great idea. And yes, keeping the romance alive is key.