“Will you marry yourself?” is the most important question to ask yourself when you’re thinking about settling down. Most might blow the question off, not want to take it seriously, but that would be a mistake.

When you are considering marriage, reflecting on who you are, where you are, and your habits, is a great exercise to do. You can then see if you would truly want to live with yourself based on how you are around a house, you would see if you wanted to be your own teammate based on if you consider others and do your share of the work.

Who you are today is not who you are forever, and that’s important to remember. I tell my husband most days that every day he wakes up he has the power to change who he is with every decision he makes in a day. If you are reflecting on the question, “Would you want to marry yourself” and your answer is no, then you have the opportunity for self-improvement and with your reflection, you will know what area’s you want to improve upon.  

Think about your current partner when you realize the answer to your question. How do they feel about you, and how do you feel about them? Oftentimes we expect the world from our partners, we create this fantasy of what marriage will be like, and can be let down by the reality of the day to day mundane activities, like taking out the trash, doing the dishes, getting the kids to school on time, etc. But if we expect so much from our partners, why don’t we expect that much of ourselves? It’s so much easier to look at what our partner is and is not doing and criticize them. It’s harder to look at ourselves and see what we could be doing more of.

At the end of the day, we are the ones who should be fulfilling ourselves, with our partners just being a part of the picture of our happiness and fulfillment. Putting so much pressure on them to be perfect and fill our desires is a recipe for unhappiness. When answering this question, list qualities about yourself you think are great, and qualities about yourself that make you say “no, I would not marry myself.”

The truth is, we are only as good as when we are single. By that, I mean that if you’re entering a relationship, or embarking on marriage, then your relationship can only succeed as much as you and your partner succeed in your own individual lives. Two strong, independent, happy people coming together can create a magnificent relationship. Two people who are both unhappy, living a life they don’t like, struggle with addiction and so forth, won’t create a happy and healthy relationship because they aren’t happy and healthy by themselves. Relationships don’t fix you, you fix yourself.

Truly, make sure to think about this question, because the last thing you want is to end up in an unhappy marriage. An unhappy marriage is easy to avoid when you and your partner are both being honest with yourselves about where you are in life, your values, goals, and aspirations. 

For me, I am already married, but my motto is that “we are always a work in progress” and I believe we always have the opportunity to make ourselves into better people every day. We all can grow and become our best selves. But, that only happens if you truly reflect and commit to being your very best version.

So, are you ready for marriage? Leave a comment below and share if you liked this article!