I’ve been reading a lot about men being quite confused about dating and women. In today’s dating world (which to me looks quite scary), I can totally see why there are so many issues of confusion and miscommunication. Gender roles have been changing a lot, and there are men out there who aren’t sure whether we women want a gentleman, a macho man, or a sensitive man. Some men fear the repercussions of being gentlemanly by opening doors and pulling out chairs. Some men have talked about how they don’t know how to flirt. So, let’s break it down today, what women (in general) like in men.
Honest & Trustworthy
There is nothing more that turns on women than an honest man. Honesty shows integrity and respect. Those are all quality traits to find in a man. Not all men are honest, in fact, a lot out there think lying will “win the girl.” I’ve read statements from men who think that once they are boyfriend/girlfriend and have been together for six months or more, if she finds out about whatever dark secret he had, that because she “loves him” she won’t leave at that point.
Guys, that doesn’t work. Do you really want to have to trick and deceive a woman into “loving” you? True and real love is acceptance, warts and all. Everyone has things they don’t like about themselves, everyone has felt shame about something. We are all imperfect human beings, and that is okay. Truly, don’t be scared to be honest. Whether it’s a secret passion of yours, an addiction you’re struggling with, or just some stuff from your past that might be catching up to you, let her in.
Let Her In
Women and men both need connection. Connection and Intimacy (not sex!) are integral human needs. Women want a man to be vulnerable and able to let her in. Why? Because it shows she is special, and that you trust her. There is nothing sexier than knowing that your partner trusts you to share their inner world with you.
Men, in my opinion, have been brought up with societal pressures that are counterproductive to healthy relationships. Men are taught to hide their emotions, “be strong,” and macho. That is not healthy. Repressing emotions is not healthy. Feeling your emotions is healthy. Communicating your needs is healthy. Sharing your fears, your goals, your secrets, is healthy. Connection is healthy.
By simply letting her into your world, whether that’s sharing a secret, sharing a childhood memory, letting her meet your parents, you are showing her that you care about her enough to let her truly know you.
Loyalty & Fidelity
Loyalty is so important. Loyalty doesn’t just mean being faithful, but it means being loyal to her when other people challenge her or your relationship. Loyalty and fidelity are absolutely crucial to a monogamous relationship. If you are looking for a monogamous relationship, talk about what fidelity means to each of you. In this day and age, technology has really created an issue in regards to what fidelity means to each person.
Make that clear from the get-go! Let her know what faithfulness means to you, and let her tell you the same. If you are looking for the person you want to be with, you have to ask yourself, “Are you ready to commit?” Commitment might mean different things to each woman. One woman might want you to be faithful sexually but doesn’t care about the emotional connections you have with other girl friends. One woman might want no porn in the relationship. Another woman might be okay with the occasional fling. The point is, you need to be ready to be loyal and faithful by the definitions you each have and agree to.
Fidelity and loyalty go hand in hand with honesty. You have to make sure that you each feel safe in the relationship. That means you have to be willing to compromise and be empathetic. If you don’t feel okay with her texting her ex’s, let her know and she should respect that. If she isn’t okay with you having dating apps on your phone while you are dating, you have to respect that.
Be The Gentleman
This doesn’t mean be dominant. This means being a respectful person. Yes, gentlemanly things include opening the door, pulling our chairs, being honest, and more. And yes, some women might wonder if you think she can’t do those things herself, and in that case, it comes down to you and her communicating about needs and desires.
Being a gentleman is about having integrity, respect, honesty, and direction. They don’t act one way with her and act like a different person with the guys. Gentleman are truly the men we women are looking for. Honest, respectable, confident, team mentality. Gentlemen see their partner as equal. They see the woman they are with as a human being with feelings, needs, memories, and experiences. They don’t see a sexual object to satisfy themselves with. They respect the people in their lives, and that includes the waiter at dinner all the way to their grandparent.
Women want a man who has direction, passion, goals. Answer the question, “Who are you and what do you want in life?” If you can answer whether you want a career in a certain field, want marriage, want kids, want a house or a condo, those are important things to know. But it’s also important to know the little things, like your music taste, or your favorite movies.
Think about it, how can a woman be in a relationship with you if you don’t know who you are or what you want in life? Would you want to be with a woman who has no direction, goals, or motivation?
Respect Yourself and Others
I’ve mentioned this already, but respect is huge! I know the classic saying is that men need respect, but women do too. If you can’t respect those around you, that is not a sign of a person who is kind and considerate. Lack of respect shows entitlement. Entitlement isn’t sexy, equality is.
Knowing your worth and other people’s worth is a great quality. Knowing that you should treat yourself with respect, by knowing what behaviors you won’t tolerate, knowing that you take care of your health is important. Also, respecting her and others show that you care and are treating them as human beings.
Great Communication Skills
If you are poor at communication, I suggest doing some self-work on that. Communication is the foundation of any relationship (along with trust) and if you cannot properly communicate your thoughts, feelings, and emotions (TFE), then that doesn’t bode well for you or for her.
If you are comfortable with yourself and can say things like, “I feel really insecure today because…” or “I feel really elated because….” or “I have been struggling with….” Those are all ways to communicate and be vulnerable (aka letting her in). Also, communicating when things aren’t going alright. When you’ve had a tough day, or when maybe something she did hurt you. Being able to express those things are critical to any relationship survival.
Are You Ready For a Relationship?
By reading this article, reflect, and ask yourself if you are ready for a relationship? Are you mature enough to be in a relationship? Do you even want a relationship?
Remember, when dating, you are going out with other people. They are not objects. The term “relationshopping” has been around and dating apps like Tinder increase the mentality that you can shop for people.
Answer this question for yourself: Am I making daily decisions to be the best version of myself? If the answer is “yes” then you are on the right track to being ready for a relationship. Relationships, healthy ones, work when there are two healthy individuals coming together. If you have direction, goals, and a purpose in life prior to getting into a relationship, then you are on the right track!
How To Find Mrs. Right
Think about what you want in a relationship. Can you give that to the other person? Relationships are not about taking, but rather giving. People enter relationships for all kinds of reasons, but if you enter the relationship thinking, “How can we help each other become the best versions of ourselves?” then you might just find the right person. Relationships should enhance your life, they should help you grow into the best version of yourself.
When you meet this person, assuming you already have found your purpose and are taking actions daily to become the best version of yourself, ask yourself if they are doing that as well. Is she making choices on a daily basis to better herself? Is she following her goals and purpose? You want to enter a relationship with someone who also values growing and becoming the best version of themselves. If you both have similar goals, aspirations, values, and outlooks on life, then you have a great chance at making things work.
Don’t ignore red flags if you see them, take note. If you and she don’t have similar values, a direction in life, goals, then think about whether this relationship can survive the long haul. Finding Mrs. Right means being the best version of yourself, being honest with yourself and her, and her wanting to be the best version of herself.