We started out as friends, and I was into PUAing back then. I thought I had mastered the art of love until one day my defenses gave in and I fell madly in love with her. She was beautiful, decent, honest, supporting and knew her purpose in life. These attributes got me wondering why I hadn’t noticed all of this while I was busy chasing other girls.
Of course, it takes time to fall in love! But mine was somewhat more magical. Many years I was a James Bond of women and the other, poof! It’s all gone, and I am in love with a Christian woman. To be honest, she’s still a Christian. She did not change her faith from the time between our first spiritual encounter till this day.
Many of you reading this article might argue and be like, “Of course many American white citizens belong to some Christian body or faith.” This is true as America is one of the oldest Christian countries in the world. Now, I grew up in a family that was overly religious and not spiritual and as such, I grew tired of church activities and religious people-this gave me a bad school of thought towards Christianity and although I go to Church on “some” Sundays, I was never really present in mind, soul and spirit. Although I believed in God, Churches made me uncomfortable. They felt restrictive and full of ‘rules.’
I just never thought that my being free attitude and crazy talks would sit well with someone who was Christian. Although vast in knowledge, I never thought that someone who was Christian could ever possibly see me as a legitimate, good potential romantic option. I saw every Christian as being boring, sexually reserved, and full of restrictions and rules. I thought it would be a lifestyle disaster waiting to happen. So I didn’t even consider Christian women to be an option.
Then, for some unbeknownst reason, I looked carefully at one that had been friends with me for a while. And I fell in love with her and this changed the whole game for me. Could you call this fate, destiny or perhaps, the workings of God bringing me toward his infinite love? Well… I’m not going to spoil the story…more on that later. But I will say that this person changed the way I saw love and as well as Christians.
So, here’s what dating a Christian woman has taught me …so far. I’m sure there are still many more lessons for me to discover.
- Speak Out Of Love
This obviously sounds easy to do but it is harder than it looks or sound. I mean, if you listen to a good number of married couples all over the world, how often do you hear them complaining about certain things they dislike about their partner to their friends? Speaking out of love is the language that is common to love. Sad thing we often forget, get lazy, and we get uncritically satisfied. In my past relationships, I was guilty of this. I would be reactive (like a time bomb waiting to explode), self-absorbed and jealous with my own agenda. I would throw my insecurities at the other person, rather than speak from the place of love.
This woman taught me about that. It’s through her own love actions that I was able to see clearly what real, healthy communication and true love looks like. If you can do that, you avoid unnecessary arguments. Who says you can’t be honest without being or sounding aggressive? Truth is, mistakes and arguments can be avoided, if we just pause for a moment, think, think about the cause and its likely effect, and choosing what is right-being in love or being right.
My friend used to say “Love is an action; it begins with the way we speak to one another.” I never believed this until I met her. I am always thankful for God allowing this woman to show and remind me that speaking to each other out of love is one of the secrets to staying and growing in love.
- Love Is Always Gentle and Patient
‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.’ — 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
This passage of the Bible reminds me of my experience every time. It’s true that love is the purest, but we often manipulate it to become deceiving, self-serving and malicious. In time, I have discovered I have grown to be gentler, and patient. I want to live out the rest of my lie with this woman and learn to love better the right way. All of which I am experiencing for the first time.
- Respect Your Relationship and Love the Right Way
If you counsel people regularly; you will discover that a lot of dating/married people still seek attention outside of their relationship. Whether it’s that social media commenter who makes them feel hot, a female friend whom they would probably bang if not for your relationship standing in your way or having tons of flirty engagements to give you that adrenaline rush and many more.
There are of course certain causes of this action, and they include:
- They are getting tired of your partner and vice versa
- They’ve grown unsatisfied in your relationship
- Their partner doesn’t fulfill the entire “GAP” so you need to find the other missing parts in other people without losing your partner who fulfills the other part of your relationship needs
- Or they are simply a flirt and an attention seeker.
Some allow this attention to exist because they may not be able to function without it and others give room to it because they do not give enough respect to their relationship.
I know how that feels because I have been like this in the past. I flirted (a lot), had people I roll with and I could vouch they were “just friends,” but I was attracted to them in a sexual kind of way. These types of contact with the opposite sex, and attention seeking messages and exchanges does not in any way respect your relationship. You’re dishonoring it! How? With each attention-seeking moment comes weakness.
My lady taught me this. She made me realize that there is a certain line you can cross in any relationship, some people get too close to that line while other tighten the rope around that line and hang onto their relationship by a thread, but to love genuinely, is to make sure you never get close to that line. Your relationship and love need protection. You need to give 100% commitment to that love, and if there aren’t, there is no cause to be in such a relationship. If you must seek attention in other places and people, then that person is not the right one for you and you’re currently with them for the wrong reasons, or you need to critically examine the way you love.
- Sex Is A Physical Expression Of Love
You would agree with me that this is true. However, I don’t think a larger number of us are using it for its intended purpose. For years, I engaged in a hot romance with other people I only “liked.” Although I never had sex with them, it sucked. It never gave me happiness and was clearly a bad habit that had no positive effect in my life other than a few pregnancy scares and an empty void.
She taught me that your most intimate moments (spiritual, emotional, intellectual etc…) in a relationship are actually outside of the bedroom.
A lot of couples misuse sex. They see it as a path to connecting with their partner. This is partially true but certainly wrong. Why? Although it helps to get closer and connected, you mustn’t rely on it as your primary source of connection. If you do, your intimacy becomes temporary and dying slowly. When you connect with your partner on an intellectual, spiritual, physical and intellectual level, you become more connected and closer, which then leads to better lovemaking life.
- Love Is Innocent
I was opportune to see two elderly people fall back in love again- and I could swear they looked like teenagers who are back in their original schoolgirl or schoolboy self. Love makes us young at heart, spirit, mind, soul, and body. It resurrects every dead thing inside of us and moves stagnant things in our lives. Love can bring you back from your messiest situation into a forgotten state of aliveness and excitement.
When you genuinely experience love in its purest form. It takes you back to your youthful days- back to the time before you experienced any form of real pain or been hurt before. It’s the return of innocence. When love is at its best, it will change you and inspire your life altogether.
Loving her makes me feel like my 17-year old self-like I love someone or the first time. If not for my experience with her, I might never have understood and remembered how true love makes us feel.
Written by: Balogun Owomide
His Date Christian Singles blog is centered on Christian friendship and relationships and his fulfillment comes from helping people solve friendship and marital issues while clearing their doubts and showing them Christ light.
