Today is Xander’s Birthday. He is one! I can’t even believe it. I started Millennial Mrs. and Mom LLC when I was pregnant with Xander. I wanted to have something to do while I took a semester off from school (you know, because who wants to be giving birth during midterms, right?).
Pregnancy, Childbirth, & Body Image
A year ago today I was able to accomplish something I never thought was possible – to survive childbirth. There are so many women out there who want children, and sometimes those women don’t want to have a child through pregnancy. I was one of those women. Never did I imagine myself getting pregnant. I was so scared of the pain and changes in my body.
Today, I can say I am so glad I experienced pregnancy. I am the luckiest person to have Xander. Pregnancy definitely changes your body, and as someone who has had anorexia for over eight years, I can tell you I have my really low days with body image and my ability to eat. But I remind myself that I am taking care of myself. I am doing my best to eat, I am doing reformer pilates 2-3x/week (which I love!), and I am trying to not lose my identity to “mom” and still be “Savannah.”
Becoming a Mom (While Still Being a Wife!)
Have you heard of people saying that the first year of marriage is the toughest? You may also have heard that the year you have your first child is the toughest year on marriage. Well, Jak and I got both. We had Xander in our first year of marriage. Talk about tough luck. While trying to figure out married life, we also had to figure out being parents.
Jak and I had been together for two years before we got married, and honestly, we did not have an easy relationship. I mean, I thought we did, but he had a secret addiction that I found out about along the way. But needless to say, with my psychological knowledge and understanding of addiction, I helped him. I was so hurt and devastated, but I loved him and encouraged him to get healthy, and I’ve supported him every day since I found out.
Relationships Are a 24/7 Job!
Now, trying to figure out being married, while trying to put back our relationship together after the tons of lies and tolls of Jak’s addiction, while being new parents was honestly the hardest thing I’ve done. Jak and I are still working on our marriage (as anyone should be doing). I say that because we are always “works in progress,” and we should always be wanting to have the best relationship we can have. That means working on it. Things aren’t perfect, and there can be hard times in marriage. How you handle those hard times will say a lot more about you and your marriage then when things are good.
On the parenting side of things, Jak was Super-Dad from day one! I was a complete mess and emotional/psychological wreck after giving birth. I was honestly traumatized. Pregnancy never crossed my mind. I am adopted, my mom is adopted, my sister is adopted. I figured when I had a family, I would adopt as well. So having only 9 months to mentally prepare for something, to me, wasn’t enough time. Not to mention, no one really told me the realities of childbirth and postpartum. I wanted the honest to god truth about what I was going to need to know to prepare myself mentally. But, when you ask a woman about childbirth they definitely don’t go into those details.
One of the agreements Jak and I made was that he takes nightshifts and weekends if I am staying home with Xan-Man all day during the week. To this day, Jak still takes the nightshifts. We have found a compromise. And when we do find a topic that we are starting to disagree on, we try to hear each other out. We both want the best for Xander, but may approach things differently at times -which is perfectly fine! The key is listening and compromising.
Keeping Your Own Identity
This one is very important. Honestly, this past year has been a huge adjustment. Until August, I was a stay at home mom, finishing classes online while Jak went to work and school. I was home alone all day with only Xander to interact with. I love Xander, but those other SAHM’s out there know what I mean when I say I just wanted some good old adult conversation.
My passion is psychology and helping those in relationships. I had to take a pause, and when I was able to land my internship working with domestic and sexual violence victims I was thrilled. I was able to get back out there and be Me. I love helping others, teaching them, and just giving them validation when no one else understands their situation.
I can definitely say that school, MM&M, and my internship have given me a strong sense of Me while also being a mom and wife. I know that parents that stay at home can struggle with feeling like they’ve given their own passions/life up, but it’s doable to have both! That is why I started MM&M. I have too much ambition to not follow my dreams. I know so many moms now who have blogs and are making a living out of them, and that is amazing!
One Year Can Make A Difference
If you’re pregnant, recently had a child, or married, one year can make a difference. If you’re currently struggling, see if you can find ways to improve your life, because a year from today will be a completely different story. You never know where life will take you, but you can always be active in trying to give yourself the best future and life possible.
So, comment below! What are you currently struggling with? Or better yet, reflect on the past year. Where are you now? Where were you back then? What’s changed? I’d love to hear from others about the changes that can happen within a year!