All of us have seen this happen- we lose a friend to love, at least temporarily. Our friend finds someone, then after a while, the texts, calls and hanging out stops. The memes disappear. They might even leave the group chat. Yikes. That’s when you know love has gotten to them. The bug has bitten them hard.
Love isn’t a bad thing- it’s just that when you’re in the early stages of love, sometimes people forget about the world around them. They forget that the rest of the world might want to see them, preferably without all the mushy stuff involved.
How do you keep yourself from becoming lost in love?
Cupid’s Little Arrow
Once love is involved, we’re prone to doing things that we normally don’t do- sending mushy memes and gifs, leaving post-it’s on mirrors, taking fast-food to someone at work (or if you’re really lucky homemade food). We just want to do all the little things that show that we care about our significant other. This is a good thing because honestly, who wants to be with someone who is inconsiderate and doesn’t show love? I don’t and don’t know anyone who does. It’s human nature to need love.
However, things might be getting out of hand if the following things are happening:
- Cutting friends and/or family out of plans all of the time. It’s entirely fine to want time to yourselves, especially if one or both of you work a lot and/or have other commitments like school, kids, etc. but if you rarely see anyone but yourselves, this may be an issue.
- You value the other person’s approval and opinion more than making your own choices or having your own thoughts. Seeking each other’s opinion is one thing, but letting one person’s opinion take over is another. It’s not necessary for one person in the relationship to make all the decisions. If this becomes a pattern, this may be a sign of abuse, and that is not okay.
- Missing your single days. If you find yourself wishing you were single because things were easier, more fun or just better in general, that may be the case.
- Changing your standards. Have you lowered your standards or changed your values because you’re afraid you will lose the person you love if you don’t? It might be time to re-evaluate where you stand. Letting someone walk all over you is not healthy.
- Not knowing what to do without them- literally. If this person takes up all of your time, leaving no time for hobbies or fun, it may be time to cut back and find yourself again.
- Seeing your partner as “perfect”. Nobody is perfect, and sometimes we want to see someone that we care about that way, no matter how far from it they may be. We may turn on blinders instead of seeing what is in front of us.
- You forget to be yourself. The person you are with wants to be with you, not someone else. Don’t try to be who you think they want you to be. It will become harder to keep trying to be someone you don’t want to be as time goes on, so being yourself from the beginning is the best and honest way to go. I have made this mistake and it almost ruined my marriage. Luckily, I got a great reminder that being myself is the best thing to be.
Note: Some of these signs, taken to a very severe level, can be signs of abuse. Please watch out for yourself carefully in your relationship if you feel this is the case. It can be hard to see sometimes at the beginning of a relationship.
It is vitally important to spend time alone and/or with friends and family to keep up the connections in your life. These people care about you and want to see you do well, with or without someone that you love. It’s okay to take your significant other with you, but it’s also okay to take a break. It may be awkward at first when introducing them to each other, and even more awkward if there is tension, but is well worth the attempt.
Over time, the newness does wear off and you’ll want to come back to the real world. Everyone has their annoying quirks and they do kick in at some point, even if you don’t live with each other. For example, some people slurp when eating spaghetti. Or maybe your boyfriend is horrible with a set of chopsticks and you almost have to eat his food for him. Maybe you just miss seeing other people! Your friends and family will be there when you come back from the land of love. Rejoin the group chat and send a few memes.
Reclaiming Yourself and Your Life
After a while, the newness wears off. It’s not that you want out, but you definitely realize that you need to breathe. You need a little bit of air. This is okay. Maybe your significant other needs the same.
Your friends and family probably miss you. They’ll be glad to see you! They might be slightly aggravated, but will welcome you back.
It’s time to go out for dinner with friends again…but send a text to your love and let them know what’s going on. Maybe go see your parents and let them know how you’re doing. Remember that yoga class you’ve been skipping? It’s been going on without you. Grab that mat and go back.
The person you’re with probably fell for you partially because of the things you love. They love you for who you are, every little bit. Go find that person again- maybe even new things. The two of you can find new things to like together. That could be a lot of fun, or maybe even a little scary, depending on what you choose.
Love takes many twists and turns in each relationship. Don’t lose yourself completely.
Information found on: Thought Catalog
