There is a lot of history surrounding Valentine’s Day. I could talk about the history of it, all of the Saints involved, and what have you. However, in its most simplistic form, for this purpose, I’d like to focus on this:
“Valentine’s Day is recognized as a significant cultural, religious, and commercial celebration of romance and romantic love in many regions around the world, although it is not a public holiday in any country.”1
When I look at this holiday objectively, what do I see? For starters, regardless of what store you walk into, there is a flood of cards, chocolates, flowers, gifts, teddy bears, and even adventures you may purchase as a sign of love and commitment to your partner. If you have any reasonable sanity about you, you will refrain from attempting to take your partner out for a romantic dinner on Valentine’s Day as virtually every decent restaurant is overrun, overcrowded, with others intent on doing the same. Countless nameless faceless stores selling sexy lingerie, garters, stockings, and other paraphernalia intent on exciting the body, the mind, and the spirit grace the shopping arena.
Valentine’s Day was projected to generate $19.6 Billion in revenue in 2018 in the United States of America alone according to the National Retail Federation. That means that, on average, U.S. Consumers were expected to spend on average $143.56 on Valentine’s Day; a 7.7% increase over the previous year.2 The numbers aren’t out for 2019 projections yet.
Unfortunately, I have a very highly reasonable expectation that the audience reading this is going to be the women in our lives when the target audience needs to be the men in your lives. They are the ones who need to be reading this. They are the ones that need to learn that intimacy isn’t about the things they purchase, the reservations they make, or the flowers, cards, and chocolates they buy you. It’s much, much, more than that. All of these things, we should be doing anyway. Did you get that, gentlemen? “You should be doing this anyway!” Not some special event that capitalism has hijacked and taken over in much the same way they have every other major holiday known to mankind. And in some cases, it’s almost as if every man is trying to outdo every other man to prove his affection for his partner.
10 Creative & Romantic Idea’s For Her
- Want to do something phenomenal that stands out? My wife once cut 3 x 5 index cards out of construction paper. She punched holes in the corner of each card, tied them all together in with a bow using some pretty ribbon, and wrote on the front “Coupon Book.” On each and every card, she created a coupon that I could redeem. It was nothing like your typical store coupons and there were no expiration dates. On one card, I could get a back massage. Another, she would cook my favorite meal while I relaxed and did whatever I wanted to do. Another, yes, she would commit to doing something I enjoyed sexually that was solely for my benefit, and not for hers. This Coupon Book, I never redeemed a single one, for I cherished it. I’ve had it for 30 years. This meant more to me than anything else she could have done. It was selfless. It was thoughtful. And it was straight from the heart. It was very personal and intimate. That’s what she did for me. And trust me, if you did that for her, she would cherish it like I did mine. It cost less than $10 and your personal time, but it’s worth a million to her!
- You don’t have to do this though if that’s not your thing. Get creative. Post-It Notes are your friend. Leave her little “Love Messages” everywhere. I mean, leave them on the toilet, the mirror, the coffee pot, the refrigerator, the toaster, her coat pocket, the car window, the car visor, and if you have access to her office, her computer screen, her door, her desk, every drawer. Spell out “I LUV U” on her office window with them. Post-It Notes are your friend.
- Netflix & Chill. It’s an internet slang term best described as an invitation to watch the popular television programming or as an invitation to engage in some form of sexual activity with one another or both. This is an opportunity to spend uninterrupted time with one another. What you are interested in is quality, not quantity. This is a time to snuggle, to spoon, and yes, if you feel like it, sex. Focus on intimacy, and just let everything else fall into place on its own naturally. You don’t need to pursue sex. Sex will pursue you.
- Take turns giving one another a massage. When you give of yourself expecting nothing in return, the rewards are insurmountable to any expectations you may have. Candles are nice. Music is nice. Both are nicer. But, don’t just take your clothes off, get naked, and give one another a massage. Heat up oils or lotions, and make your hands very warm to the touch. Those lubricated hands rubbing across the skin is so relaxing and so invigorating, it exudes intimacy. Don’t focus on erogenous areas of the body. Focus on the entire body. The entire body is a point of interest, not just the erogenous zones. Besides, you don’t need to go there. Your intimacy will likely drive you there.
- Run a hot bath for her. Strategically place candles around the tub. Lay her book by the tub where she can reach it along with hand towels so she can dry her hands to read it. You don’t want her to have to move a muscle to get out of the tub just to get something to dry her hands. Pour her a glass of wine (or whatever her favorite drink is). There are so many soothing bath oils, bombs, and relaxing agents available and your local bath supply store. Find some that you like, or better yet, some that she likes if you know what they are. The moment she takes off all of her clothes and settles down in the tub, grab her bath robe along with a couple of towels, throw them in the dryer, and heat it up nice and toasty and warm for her. She will LOVE this. While she is enjoying her bath, finish preparing her dinner, or take out if that’s your thing, so that as soon as she is finished with her soothing relaxing bath, she can sit down to a nice warm meal. And the best part is, she didn’t have to do a thing but enjoy it all.
- Call in sick. I like this idea a lot. You call in sick. She calls in sick. The fact is, both of you are taking a “sick and tired” day. You’re sick of the same old routine of getting up, going to work, and making everyone in your life a priority except one another. I don’t think this is just something applicable to Valentine’s Day though. Make this a priority in your relationship. She needs to be front and center, your number one priority. And you hers. So, you’re both sick of the ordinary. So, take your sick day, and do the extraordinary. Some of the best experiences and memories are not capital intensive or require great resources to accomplish. Take a drive up to the mountains, to a state or national park, and go hiking together. Go out for coffee and dessert. There is a wonderful place where I live downtown that has at least a hundred different deserts, all enclosed in glass cases as soon as you walk in the door, and just as many different coffees. The biggest obstacle? Trying to figure out which dessert and which coffee to buy. The place is always packed. They also sell regular food, entrees, snacks, and such, but they are known explicitly for their desserts and coffees. That, in and of itself, makes it extraordinary, but so too is the fact we can seldom go there because of its lack of close proximity to where we live. If that’s a budgetary concern, if you’ve ever had HOT Krispy Kreme Donuts, that, in and of itself, is a treat. I know a box of hots and a Starbucks are always greeted with appreciation no matter when it is.
- Make something. Build something. Whatever it is, decide on a project, not a “we’ve got to paint this room” project, but something that would be exciting, fun, and enjoyable for the both of you. It could be anything from planting shrubs and flowers to setting up and creating a handmade chess set. OK, so maybe those aren’t things you would be interested in doing. But you can certainly discover with one another something that the two of you are passionate about, and work together as a team to accomplish it.
- Create a tradition. Some people will utilize Thanksgiving as an opportunity to feed the homeless. I suppose it makes them feel better about themselves. I know that has been the experience of everyone I have ever known that has done it. We had many Christmas traditions that I won’t go into here (I’m saving them for a later date). But it could be as simple as visiting your local chapel, lighting a candle together, and recite a short version of your vows to one another. It could be going to buy flowers, not for one another, but for those who don’t have anyone to share their Valentine’s Day with in the local nursing home. Take the flowers together and hand them out one by one until they are all gone. You’re creating memories that will last a lifetime. Cherish them together, and utilize it as an opportunity to build intimacy together.
- A treasure hunt. I did this for my children, and it was a very fun experience they will remember for a lifetime. On Easter, I turned the entire morning into a big treasure hunt. Each treasure found was a clue to a new treasure. Each treasure found led to excitement to go find the next treasure. Build each subsequent treasure on top of the previous one. This tells your partner you invested some considerable thought and time into it. This spells “INTIMACY” in capital letters. The first one can start with a simple hand-written note and end with a pair of diamond earrings and lots and lots of ideas in between. The beauty is, you can make it as long or as short as you want, and based on whatever you want. If you’ve been together for 7 years for example, you can have 7 treasures; one to represent each year. Send her on a treasure hunt that she’ll cherish for a lifetime.
- Buy her a car. Just kidding. But seriously, don’t buy her a vacuum cleaner either because she happens to need one. That is, unless you want to be riding it, or alternatively wearing it, to work. This is NOT thoughtful of her. This is thoughtful of you. Be careful your actions are serving her and not self-serving. If nothing else, grab her hand, and say “Let’s go for a walk.” And go for a walk. She doesn’t want all of this materialistic show of affection. She wants you. She wants your time. She wants your attention. And most of all, she wants your heart. Give it to her.
So back to my original point. This so-called special event that is Valentine’s Day isn’t so special when everybody else is doing it anymore. If you want to genuinely turn it into a special event, then do the extraordinary, and forget the ordinary. Like I said, all of those things, we should be doing anyway. And if money is an obstacle, picking your own flowers on the side of the road isn’t beneath you. It’s what you invest in body, mind, and spirit that counts.
- Wikipedia; Valentine’s Day, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine%27s_Day
- National Retail Federation, Consumers will spend near-record $19.6 billion on Valentine’s Day, https://www.nrf.com/insights/holiday-and-seasonal-trends/valentines-day