DISCLAIMER – – – DO NOT TRY THIS IF THERE HAS EVER BEEN GASLIGHTING OR ANY ABUSE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. This is for relationships that have Trust.
Erectile dysfunction. It’s a problem for lots of people these days. Men like to think it only affects them but the truth is, they aren’t the ones trying to have sex with them. Now, I can be completely understanding and “get” the performance anxiety and wanting to get to your nut, except it truly doesn’t include the whole other person who is often shuffled around the bedroom while the first person is freaking out.
1/3 guys will experience some form of erectile dysfunction after age 18 based on various sources I’ve read. This includes premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, trouble getting erectile appropriately (soft erections), hourglass erections (due to death-grip) or simply not getting erect at all. This could be due to porn, or PIED – porn-induced erectile dysfunction, which if you have any of the above, is most likely the cause, as PIED under age 50 can cause all of the problems listed, even if you aren’t always masturbating to it. You are causing your brain to get a surge of dopamine. Your penis, in turn, is responding to your brains queues, with or without being hard every time (this is the behind the curtain, body stuff) and it can cause body problems.
Quitting porn can be hard work, and often when you go to quit and try to build your relationship you want to be close to your partner. Sometimes you aren’t with a person who wants to be intimate, and that’s OK too. Now, if you are in a relationship, and you are having issues with a flaccid penis this can be really difficult and stressful for both parties. I have heard several men complaining that they don’t get karezza right or they ejaculated too soon when they know they aren’t supposed to ejaculate as they are supposed to be back building their relationships.
Karezza said, Tantra will be a whole other article. If you are trying to reestablish intimacy and be with your partner, then you are being with them for Their pleasure and not being selfish. If you have a flaccid penis or quick shooter anyway and desire intimacy, why not try a strap-on? Make the pleasure go longer, enjoy each other.
Strap-ons can be made for men that are soft and sit on top of your penis comfortably. This is probably not common knowledge, but they do make them as an erectile dysfunction aid. Many women already use a dildo or a vibrator, they just use it in private. The same shame that hides men’s porn habits, hides most women’s vibes habits. This is just joining the two together so couples can be intimate with each other.
I have heard so many men say that when they are doing foreplay they feel fine but as soon as they go “to put it in” that’s when they go soft, (that’s PIED, btw) but when using a strap-on that additional anxiety of waiting for the ‘shoe to drop’, doesn’t. The strap-on stays hard. It does not let the couple down. It ends up being a comfort.
I have also heard men say that it’s insulting using something larger than them. Strap-ons can come as small as 3 inches and as large as 16 for dong size. They come in crazy colors, they come in various materials, you could get one that vibrates. If you want a realistic experience, you can have that, while you are “tapped out.” If you want an unrealistic experience, then do that.
The point is that you are with your partner, pleasuring them and not making it about yourself constantly. Not hiding yourself constantly.
Personally, I think that to establish intimacy, a couple should have as realistic of a copy (non-vibing) to the male who can’t perform, as possible. I believe that sex should be as he would normally perform it. The only difference is, because he needs a little bit of help, he wears a strap-on.
I think it’s okay sometimes, but not all the time. I don’t think couples should be dependent upon it. I do understand how some women can be, to the vibrations though. Same with men to porn.
Whatever brings two people together. I do believe that a strap-on is a tool that can be a wonderful aid to get two people back on track if it’s used properly and short term.