Whether it’s clients, potential clients, or my friends in relationships, I’ve been having conversations the past couple weeks where a lot of them reveal that they’ve caught their partner cheating. Whether they found out through sex, caught them in the act, or found out through a mutual friend, needless to say it’s devastating.
Most of the times, at The Modern Mr. and Mrs., I am working with couples that are struggling with trust, communication, and sexual intimacy, and there’s nothing like betrayal to kill those three areas of a relationship. So when I come across someone who’s been freshly betrayed, they often blame themselves.
I am here to tell you, their choice to cheat (Yes, They Chose It) has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with their lack of relationship skills.
The cheater may tell you, “If you would only do more chores,” “If you would get a better paying job,” “If you would only put more effort into your looks” etc. “then I wouldn’t have cheated on you.”
That is 100% wrong.
First, blaming you for their choice is them showing a lack of responsibility and accountability, which is not going to heal the damage they’ve caused.
Second, even if there were things not so great in the relationship that never gives anyone a reason or excuse to cheat. I don’t care if you haven’t had sex in 1 year or 10 years, that still does not give anyone the right to cheat.
So, when it comes to cheating, the cheater has to take responsibility for the way they chose to handle the distress, issues, concerns. They could have talked to you, suggested getting expert help, they could have set boundaries, and much more. But they chose to cheat.
To the betrayed, if your partner has cheated – whether it’s cyber-cheating (online texts, cam girls, porn, sexting, etc.), physical cheating, or emotional cheating, you can heal from this and chose to reconcile the relationship if you so desire. Same goes for the cheater, if they truly value the relationship you have they will do whatever it takes to win the relationship back. Now, it may not be easy, and it’s definitely not a smooth ride, but if they are trying, then that says a lot.
And honestly, when cheating occurs the first thing that disappears is trust, and communication soon follows that as emotions are so high at the moment, and the very fact that the issue is cheating means your sex life falls apart and is not safe.
The three pillars of a relationship are all destroyed within a matter of minutes once the cheating has been discovered or revealed. Even the strongest of relationships need expert help getting through that. That is why I have my Relationship Evolution program – to help couples through this.
I’ve been there and I’ve gotten through it. It is possible to heal. It is possible to find love again in your partner. It is possible to have a new and evolved relationship that was better than before. If you’re experiencing betrayal right now, you can get help. You can save your relationship. You can heal from this. You and your partner just have to be brave enough to choose it. I believe in you, and your relationship.