Being able to stand up for yourself is huge when you’ve constantly been beaten down by lines like,
“Its just porn, get over it.”
“I’m not cheating, fuck every guy needs release.”
“Maybe if you put out more, I wouldn’t need porn.”
Those are classic lines from addicts gaslighting their betrayed partners, trying to get their partners to not speak and be silent and let the addiction take over. As the betrayed partner, you have a voice and your feelings are 100% valid. Don’t let your partner make you question your feelings.
Staying silent doesn’t solve anything, it only enables the addict to keep using and abusing. Silence is staying on The Sick Cycle Carousel, getting nowhere, and staying in the pain and dysfunction. Leaving The Carousel happens when you’re ready to stand up for yourself and Become a Warrior.
Start to get off The Carousel with some solid Boundaries, Rules of Accountability, Consequences and Honor (BRoACH) to get change started in your relationship! I was once silenced when my husband was active in addiction, gaslighting me and making me feel crazy. My husband is over 3 years clean and we’ve done the work (as individuals and as a couple) and successfully made our Recovery Lifestyle!
The Mod’s mission is to help other couples get the Recovery Lifestyle down and be able to be better than before! Seriously, our programs are to help you avoid the mistakes we, and countless couples have made that could be fatal to your marriage.
What has happened to you, is not okay, it was a violation of your trust and marriage. But you have a choice, now that you know about your partner’s SSA, to create (and demand!) the change you need to have a healthy life.
COURAGE DOESN’T JUST HAPPEN, IT’S SOMETHING YOU CHOOSE.
After 1 year of lies, porn, and abuse, I was done.
- I was done being a door mat
- I was done being used and abused
- I was done being second place.
- When our son came into this world, I was 100% done with the anger, dysfunction, fighting, and destruction.
- I vowed that my son would NOT have his first memory being us fighting and my husband slamming the door and walking out.
- I was NOT having my son’s first memory being mommy on the floor in a BT breakdown, unable to care for him.
- I was NOT having my marriage torn apart by addiction when I knew there was a way to have a better marriage and life with us both being committed.
My Husband and I chose to make Recovery Priority #1 and we succeeded. We overcame the addiction, the trauma, the pain and dysfunction to create a new, healthy, loving, safe life.
In one of our coaching lessons in First Steps Into Recovery for Betrayed Partners, I talked about the toughest times my husband and I went through. That took courage, and it also took getting uncomfortable and rocking the boat. You know you’re working recovery when you’re feeling uncomfortable. Growth happens when you get out of the comfort zone.
WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BE DONE WITH THE SITUATION YOU’RE IN?
It’s a question that many haven’t asked, are scared to ask, or asked and do know the answer to. I know I’ve talked to some and they know their line in the sand, which is great! But to those who don’t know their line, truly take a moment to think about it…
WHY DID MY HUSBAND AND I GET OUR ASS INTO RECOVERY?
Well, for me, I wasn’t going to tolerate my husband’s escalating temper, especially with our son. My line in the sand was the anger becoming destructive. I no longer wanted to be a victim, a Damsel, a scared person that I knew I wasn’t. Before my husband I 100% stood up for myself and didn’t take shit. Not being able to recognize the person I’d become scared the shit out of me.
I encourage you to think about your line, because no one here deserves the treatment they are getting from their partner. So, can I see some likes/comments from those who are ready to Become a Warrior and get off that Sick Cycle Carousel and start the change you need in your life? ❤️