He was tired. My husband told me he was Tired. It was starting to get old though. You know that sort of tired where he won’t touch you for days and you start to question yourself as a woman?

You know, where you are going crazy because the work stress passes, and the holidays pass and life returns to normal and he’s still Tired.

Maybe he’s depressed? A girlfriend offered when I finally broke down and told a friend. No. Wasn’t that. It turns out that of all the things, my husband was just watching PORN.

WHAT?!? Porn? That’s…. IT? YES. What a relief, right? Wrong.

My husband was simply watching it all the time. He was watching when we went to every store. He had to stop… Go to the bathroom, just for a moment. He had to “sneak a peek” because he needed “a fix” of some girls’ ass. He was watching it at home, when we had company, he ‘excused’ himself because he ‘forgot’ something in the other room. He was watching when he went out with friends. He would ‘call me’ from outside in the parking lot, but say he forgot to say something and text me instead. He had forgotten he needs porn. He was even risking his job. I didn’t know. He was going to the bathroom constantly.

He was giving himself (and please read That again – he was hurting himself**) by “over pooping” 3+x a day! Prostate issues. He even lost his ability to get an erection and tried to tell me it was “performance anxiety”.

No. He broke his brain.

When you over condition your brain to look at that many women, one woman, no matter what she does…. Won’t sustain your peak interest anymore. This is called the Coolidge Effect. His brain was no longer producing proper oxytocin or serotonin, it was so flooded with dopamine that when I would hug or kiss him, he did not care. He was Depressed. Clinically depressed. Because of watching too much porn! (and porn like images)

And let’s not forget the jerking off. If he didn’t get “his fix”… He was angry. What? This was the reason he was “tired.” Why our relationship lacked intimacy. Why he was distant. Why he always bailed for the bathroom. I masturbated too (not nearly as much, mind you) … I thought this was normal… This is bad for you? Bad for me?

Yes. Apparently, you CAN overdo it. You can condition your brain to NEED sex this way, on top of need extensive variety All the time. By sex “this way”, here’s what I mean – have you ever thought of Porn, itself, as a fetish? I certainly hadn’t. I know of fetishes and kinks and that porn can Have them. Feature them.

We, of course, ended up in therapy. Where a psychologist once put it to me & my husband like this “would you masturbate while watching someone have sex through a window, knowing they could see you? Like standing next to a car window? Or Peeking Tom through their bedroom window? That’s all porn is. That’s all a computer screen is, it’s a piece of glass. It conditions you to be a voyeur. It’s why porn addiction and sex addiction are on the same spectrum.”

I guess if you wouldn’t do that, if that’s not Really your flavor, you are just conditioning your brain for poor stimulus. For this stimulus. Then when you go to interact with a partner in first person, your brain says it’s not it’s Way of doing things because it’s Used to being the third party.”

My… Mind… Was.. Blown. 1/3 men have Erectile Dysfunctions before the age of 40 these days. I wonder how many of these are due to the fact that they watch porn? I’ve heard of the hairy palms thing, I’ve heard of men going blind in the old wives tale, but I guess all of those things were created because telling boys and men they could never get an erection again is too scary for them to hear.

But the solution is really simple. Just don’t watch porn. It’s easy. Except, when you are an addict. You rely on that 3rd party perspective. Anything can be porn, depending on how far down the rabbit-hole you were. Porn conditions you to be a voyeur. Through your own eyes you can see the world through porn tinted lens.

I did not think porn was so bad. Until my husband quit, and I saw exactly what a pornified world looks like in the eyes of a man.

I have to say… As a mother and as a woman, it’s totally changed my perspective on how I am choosing to raise my sons.

My husband is doing better. It’s been years now since I went down the rabbit hole after my marriage. It was probably the darkest ride I’ve never imagined I’d ever take. Life is unexpected.

Sometimes the most innocuous things can turn into the most dangerous. You have to be able to adapt to what is right for you and your situation.

What are your views on porn? Do you allow it in your life or relationship? How open are you about sex? Do you and your partner talk about sex? Personally, I like having sex. I want to keep having sex. My husband knows this.

After quitting porn, which he’s had his whole life, he was able to see how fun it actually was. He is no longer depressed or dependent on the how, when or where he needs the technology. It’s nice being able to enjoy him and know he’s having a good time not thinking about who knows what.

I’m glad we got back to sex. It’s fun and I enjoy being able to be immersed in the pleasure of that sort of erotica. If I had to choose between being a voyeur and watching the things I want or experiencing the pleasure and all the things I can imagine for myself? I pick the latter.