I cannot believe we are at the end of 2019. I am honestly SO happy to have made it through this year. It’s been a very big, challening, and at times painful year. In this post I am going to be addressing me and my husband’s journey in recovery, the goals we set, what we did well at, what we struggled at, and what we are going to continue to do in the future. I’ll also be sharing a bit about The Mod as well.
For those who are brand new to reading The Mod, please check out the home page for the backstory on my marriage!
Marriage at the beginning of 2019: Found Doug Weiss’s Intimacy Anorexia take home program that shifted everything for my husband and I. Jak and I had been in recovery for a while prior, but the relationship recovery never took place… when a friend of mine told me about IA. Once we did the IA program it was night and day. During the program there were times where we went through huge struggles, to the point of a short separation! But that separation was the thing to save our marriage. As I’ve talked about many times on The Mod, the addict tends to have to hit rock bottom before true change occurs. They also need to take the betrayed partner seriously, which my husband had admitted he hadn’t until our separation.
Marriage after the program in 2019: Our marriage and relationship has skyrocketed this year! We were in couples therapy with my therapist I’d had for years, and through all the ups and downs she was there (even during the IA program). This year we worked very hard on trust, communicating with humor when stressed, and having more marriage time together. Our careers both took turns in 2019. Jak got a raise and promotion (ironically a couple months after the IA program when he had gotten his shit together), and in the beginning of 2019 Millennial Mrs. and Mom LLC turned into The Modern Mr. and Mrs. LLC and Chloe and Tim joined the team! With both our careers at the beginning point, we each knew this year we wanted to really prove ourselves in our industries and go above and beyond. We ended 2019 with leaving couples therapy with confidence and on the search to buy a house.
Business in 2019: It was intense! I loved it, and still love it. I absolutely love helping SSA’s and their betrayed partners through individual recovery as well as the relationship reconstruction. In the beginning of the year we changed our name. We also focused in on helping those struggling with SSA & BT. I took one of my programs that was for couples struggling with trust, communication, and sexual intimacy, and put that program into one of our highest programs for SSA’s & their betrayed partners for the relationship reconstruction part of their journey.
We got some amazing clients this year that we, as an entire team, have enjoyed working with and helping to get amazing results!!
Biggest thing I learned this year: I learned many things this year, but one of them was about worth. I define my own worth. My worth is not determined by someone else.
Scariest thing I did this year: I invested in 3 programs this year, spending thousands of dollars. At the time I was terrified to invest with the three separate programs, but something I learned from one of the programs was that, “when you decide to invest and grow, make the decision from the person you want to be, not the person you are today. The person you are today is the reason you are where you are.”
That is SO true. I used to hold myself back by being too scared to invest, whether it was because of my fear of spending money, fear of growth, fear of giving myself what I need to become the best version of myself…. I got in the way of my growth. Once I put myself in the shoes of the person I wanted to be, the decision to invest was a sinch! I knew these programs would be game changers, and they were!
I failed at: Hmm… I failed at getting the number of clients I’d wished to get into our programs. Not necessarily because of finances (though a stable income is nice), but because I wanted to help more people then the amount that signed up. Next year I will have to step up my game to make sure we at The Mod help more people as I remember how lonely and impossible it was to get into recovery until finding the right help in this journey.
What I learned from my failure: I learned that had I invested in myself sooner, and was brave enough to talk about my story from the start, that I’d have gotten better results in terms of clients this year.
I am proud of myself for: Being brave and courageous this year. For those who are familiar with The Mod, I’ve talked about how many people don’t understand my business if they’ve never been through it. Talking about my story with my husband, talking about porn and betrayal trauma, publically has been terrifying! But, it was ONLY when I was brave and talked about the truths of what really happens in this journey that I began connecting with those who were going through the trenches.
Biggest takeaway from 2019: Never give up, on your marriage, on your business, on your family, on your friends, on yourself. Life can get tough, but being able to be resilient during tough times is crucial for moving forward.
What’s the plan for 2020?
First day of the New Year: Don’t work! I have a real problem with overworking, which Jak always comments on…and so does Chloe and Tim 😛 … So my plan for Jan 1st, is to stay off my computer… unless it’s to watch Gilmore Girls with Jak!!
Program wise: Well, Become a Warrior & Become a Knight begins February 3rd!!!! I, as well as Tim and Chloe, are SO stoked for it to begin!!! Seriously, I am just counting down the days. If you’re reading this and don’t know what those programs are, please click on the links, read up, get informed, and if you resonate with our programs, sign up! If you’re unsure about us or the program, binge our content! Seriously, if you read our content, watch our video’s and you don’t resonate with us and our message, then keep looking. We do have a 50% off holidays sale until January 3rd, so take advantage!
We also will run the programs two more times this year, but there will be a price change in the other two rounds, so jump on this round to get the best price!!
We are also working on a 6-month program and eventually want to create a year immersive program for the fullest, most stable, recovery journey for our clients, so stay tuned for more news on that!
Marriage wise: Jak and I literally JUST discussed this last night. We want more date nights – whether that’s couples nights in or date nights out. We also want to make more time for fun, as this year was a very stressful year for us, and when we have our silly fun moments it lightens everything.
Family wise: Buy a house! Jak and I started the process a couple months ago and a house fell through, and we went back to the drawing board… and it’s been a process. The goal is to have a house in 2020! We also love taking Sunday drives with our son, but this year with how hectic it was, we didn’t stick to it as much as we’d like to… so we plan to have a Sunday or Saturday drive with our son every weekend.
Personal wise: I want (when we get our house) to really stick to healthy food for the family. Jak tends to bring tons of crap into the house, and I’d really like for the family as a whole to be better with less take out and more home cooked meals…. which means I actually have to stick to my guns on this one (and maybe attempt cooking a meal or two every once in a while!)
Company wise: Invest in some help! This year I noticed I was getting dragged down by all the emails, and email campaigns, and little things, that it got in the way of spending time coaching and doing FB lives in The Betrayed’s Haven group (The Betrayed’s Haven has been replaced with The Recovery Haven in 2021). Seriously though, social media is the bane of my existence!! I truly hate it, but I know that every online business needs a social media presence… so maybe investing in a VA and a social media expert or something… I just can’t stand trying to manage social media when I’d rather be with clients.
Ask Me Anything!
What was the hardest part of recovery for you?
The fact that even if I chose to be healthy and take care of myself, it was up to my husband to make that decision for himself. My husband had to want to get better. In the beginning he got into recovery for me, but once in recovery, he did it for himself.
If you had one word to use that describes the secret to a successful recovery what would it be?
Commitment. I chose commitment because it implies consistency (which is crucial) and it implies a daily choice. Commitment is long-term, not something that you do because you’re in the mood.
You’ve mentioned in a FB live that you and Jak went through a seperation. Can you expand on why that was the thing that made things better?
Great question! I’ve mentioned that up until that point, Jak hadn’t taken me seriously. My boundaries were walked on, my consequences were alright… but I’d made the mistake that MANY make in the beginning…. making a consequence they weren’t ready to act on. I’d said way early in our journey near D’Day that I would leave or we’d break up (we weren’t married then) and I wouldn’t act on that consequence when Jak would break boundaries… and I taught him that he could walk all over me. That is something we do in the Become a Warrior program with clients, we help them create BRoACH so they don’t fall into the fatal mistake I’d made that dragged our recovery out for so long. Which… here is a video on Boundaries in case you or anyone reading this is struggling with that at the moment! 🙂
If you had one thing you could tell a potential client what would it be?
Don’t let fear keep you from investing in yourself, your recovery, your partner’s recovery, and your marriage recovery. Trust me, the longer you wait to get help, the more damage is done and the harder it is to be in the 5% of success stories.
Wishing everyone a Happy New Year!
Always here for you,