It’s so common in today’s society for men to attack people who aren’t a fan of porn in their relationship.
It’s why lots of women confide in their female friends if there’s a porn issue in their relationship.
But these women are not expecting their female friends to attack them and call them insecure.
When their friends turn against them over porn, you know there is a deeper problem at hand.
Why is it that it’s ONLY acceptable for everyone to want and love porn, but it’s totally unacceptable to ONLY want your partner?
What is wrong with just wanting to be with one person, versus inviting a million other people into your head, bed, and even heart?
My clients, as well as myself and my co-coach Chloe, have all been shamed and attacked for expressing that we just want a relationship with our spouse versus having hundreds upon thousands of other women in our relationships with us and our spouse.
There is nothing wrong with someone wanting 100% monogamy, and there’s nothing wrong with someone wanting 100% polygamy.
Each relationship is different, each couple has different needs, boundaries, and expectations.
So why are people shitting all over those who have the courage to say what they accept and don’t accept in a relationship? (aka have standards – which is a good thing!)
Well, sadly, women think they *have* to accept porn in a relationship because “all men watch porn” (100% Bull Fucking Shit, btw!).
Men. Don’t. *Need.* Porn.
Men. Don’t. *Need.* An. Orgasm.
Those are WANTS.
You NEED food, air, water.
Lack of porn and ogasms didn’t kill anyone last I checked
And when someone wants a screen and pixels over their partner, damn right the spouse would be hurt.
You try being replaced by technology and see how you feel?
I am sure as shit you’d be upset that your partner prefers (and chooses) a screen over you and your family.
Women who attack other women who speak out about their preference to have a 100% monogamous relationship (aka porn free) often are angry that the other woman had the courage to stand up for herself and not settle.
Too many women settle for being mistreated in relationships, and seeing a woman say, “this isn’t okay with me” scares them shitless.
It makes them look at themselves and they realize they are too scared to ask for what They NEED in a relationship (aka safety, respect, and love).
It brings up their own insecurities, and so they get defensive and attack the woman who was strong enough to stand her ground and not settle for less than she deserves.
If you’re in a relationship and you’re not okay with porn, you feel it’s cheating, you’re 100% valid in your feelings.
A healthy man respects those feelings and will give up porn no problem.
They won’t get angry at you.
They won’t shame you.
They won’t dismiss you.
They give up porn 100% for you.
They Respect You and Choose You.
A man who has an unhealthy relationship with porn will…
Shame you.
Degrade you.
Dismiss you.
Invalidate you.
Choose Porn OVER You.
They Don’t Respect or Love You.
Often the women attacking other women are the ones who have been (or are currently in a relationship with) the latter man.
They aren’t with the first man.
If they were, they wouldn’t need to put you down, shame you, make you feel less than, to make themselves feel better.
If you need a safe place to be, where you are validated for your feelings of not wanting porn in your relationship, or cam-girls, escorts, or strip clubs, check out our free program First Steps into Recovery for Betrayed Partners, where you can get help, support, and knowledge on how to stay safe, respected, and have the relationship you desire!
DISCLAIMER: Every relationship has their own unique set of boundaries, expectations, comfort levels, and definitions of cheating and that is okay and valid. There is a difference between an occasional porn user with relationship consent/agreement and an addict with no consent/agreement. This post is for those who are not being respected, valued, or validated in their relationship.
