Often partners who have had their partner have an affair or have a porn or sex addiction will end up with Betrayal Trauma – NOT Co-dependancy.

Betrayal Trauma is a NORMAL reaction to betrayal. 

You’re NOT crazy!

You’re 100% Valid in Your Feelings!

You might be experiencing some of the following:

  • Shock
  • Disorientation
  • Fear
  • Disbelief and horror
  • Denial
  • Vomiting
  • Insomnia
  • Night terrors or nightmares
  • Under or over eating
  • Flashbacks
  • Hypervigilance of your surroundings
  • Feel the need to constantly check on your partner/ their devices (a safety seeking behavior)
  • Feel the desire to be “the perfect partner” because you believe you’re not enough


When you are experiencing trauma you are looking for signs of danger and seeking safety.

Betrayal Trauma won’t go away on it’s own, and it will only get worse if you’re in an unsafe environment (aka your partner won’t stop using or cheating or lying).

If you’ve heard the following statements from your partner, they are in active addiction and unsafe:

  • “All men watch porn, you’re overreacting”
  • “It’s instinct to check other women out”
  • “Men are visual, get over it”
  • “You need to lose the baby weight, then I’ll find you attractive again and won’t need porn”
  • “If only you would stop nagging, then you’d be more sexy to me.”
  • “You’re just being insecure, I am going to talk to her, get over it.”
  • “It’s not like I’m having sex with them, it’s just camming”
  • “Porn isn’t cheating, get over it.”


If you’ve been invalidated, dismissed, gaslit, and ignored, that’s a sign there’s a problem going on. 

Need a safe space to talk and vent and get support through this? Join our community in Behind Closed Doors: Recovery Revealed