About The Modern Mr. and Mrs.
You + Your Partner = a Team
When you and your partner are in sync, you feel on top of the world.
You feel heard, loved, confident, and happy. You know your partner has your back as you get into the world and follow your passions. There’s nothing better to boost your confidence than feeling safe and loved, am I right?
But, when you and your partner aren’t a team, life gets hard.
Arguments are endless, you start to view each other as the enemy, work is suddenly stressful, you’ve lost confidence and even feel like a failure at times.
Relationships are a 24/7 job
You heard me!
Relationships are work!
I know that might not be something you want to hear, but it’s something you need to hear.
Relationships are not easy, that’s a fact. Society has not taught us the needed skills to have healthy, connected, and successful relationships. And why is that? Because we are fed bullshit every day about relationships.
Think for a moment.
What matters more?
Your looks or feeling safe? How many women you’ve hooked up with or feeling loved by one? The perfect photos on Instagram or those cute dorky photos on your phone for just you to see?
Society teaches women that we are worth our looks and men are worth how many women they sleep with. We are fed this bullshit at a young impressionable age, so we never get the chance to learn that it’s wrong.
We learn it’s how much sex we are having that defines how good our relationships are, not that it’s about the quality and the person we are with.
Let’s Get Things Straight
- It’s not how much sex you’re having, but rather the quality
- It’s not about how many people you’re having sex with, but rather how are you treating those people
- It’s not how much you communicate, but how you communicate
- It’s not about how much you argue, but how you argue
- It’s not about hearing each other, but rather about listening
- It’s not about being right, but rather about understanding
- It’s not about how much time, but about quality time
- It’s not about “my way,” it’s about compromise
- It’s not “me and you,” it’s “us”
- It’s not about taking, but about giving and receiving
We are not taught the skills we need to be successful and happy.
We are taught that relationships will fulfill us. We aren’t taught that relationships are to enhance us and help us grow as individuals.
We get so stuck in patterns we learned from our parents, that we never took the time to realize that maybe our parents didn’t teach us well.
If you didn’t learn how to love and be in a relationship at home and you sure didn’t learn from school, then…
How are you expected to know how to connect?
Think about what you’ve learned in life and what society has taught you about relationships? Did you learn what you needed to have a connected and fulfilling relationship, or did society teach you how to have instant gratification and live on the surface level?
Without the foundations, you won’t have the relationship you desire.
What Are the Foundations?
Trust
Self-Awareness
Vulnerability
Communication
Delayed Gratification
Being a Team
Boundaries
Compromise
Maybe you’re thinking, “No Duh, Savannah!” but really. Have you really taken the time to get to know your partner? To put yourself out there and take the risk to let yourself be fully known? To share the best and worst times? Have you really taken the time to do the work *daily* to improve your relationship and stay connected and a team? Sometimes you might just not do these things because they seem so obvious, or maybe you avoid these things because, well, they can be damn scary!
But skipping these things, holding back, keeping secrets, not putting in the effort won’t solve anything.
I am offering my help if you’re struggling with…
Communication
You’re unable to see eye to eye, constantly fighting, putting each other down, yelling, holding feelings back, and just eventually shutting down.
Connection
You’re feeling alone, wondering whether your partner has your back. You don’t allow yourself to feel vulnerable and share anymore because you feel you’ll just be judged or criticized, so you say nothing and remain alone.
Sexual Intimacy
The sexual intimacy has lost it’s spark, it’s frequency, and passion. Sex has become boring, once a month, or non-existent. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve tried to talk about it, nothing changes.
Stuck In The Same Pattern
Constantly wondering why nothing seems to change, repeating the same mistakes, fighting over the same issues, and getting nowhere.
Porn Addiction
You’re secretly using porn, or have been caught by your partner and you’re in a constant cloud of shame, guilt, and remorse. You are wondering why you’re so “weak” and wonder why you can’t just stop even though you’ve tried hundreds of times. You are dying inside wanting to get rid of this addiction but no one understands the hell you’re in every day, trying to constantly stay sober.
Betrayal Trauma
You’re shattered, broken, and traumatized at the discovery of your partner’s addiction. You have no one to go to, no one to who understands, and experts you’ve reached out to blame your for his addiction, labeling you a “co-addict” or “co-dependent” when you’re just traumatized. You are suddenly someone you don’t recognize. You’re disorganized, forgetful, hyper-vigilant, insomniatic or waking from nightmares, and either losing or gaining weight from the disturbance of eating. You just want to get your feet back on the ground and return to living life but are at a loss as to how to do that.
Why do I care so much? What’s my story?
My name is Savannah and I know how hard relationships can be. Relationships and marriage are hard, especially when you’re not on the same page with your partner.
I was where you are. I was frustrated, feeling alone, not understanding why there wasn’t a connection, love, and compromise. Sex was vanilla and boring, and my voice didn’t matter. There wasn’t any connection outside the bedroom, so why would there be any inside the bedroom?
Trust was lacking, secrets were discovered, and my life blew up. My husband was a porn addict. Hell, I didn’t even know that was a real problem!
Porn addiction does not mix with anorexia… at all. That’s why I stated my boundaries prior to getting in a relationship with him. It was so devastating and challenging once I found out everything. My illness and his sickness were the worst combinations one could ask for. I felt like the universe was playing a sick joke on me. We couldn’t connect, we couldn’t communicate, and we were not a team at that point.
Through recovery over the past couple of years I have learned an extensive amount of knowledge, not just pertaining to porn addiction and betrayal trauma, but relationships in general. I’ve learned about what it really means to love someone and what it means to crawl back from oblivion in your relationship when you thought it was hopeless.
What I learned was that my husband never knew how to love or what love was, or what being in a relationship meant. I quote him when he told me, “I thought a relationship was having sex and hanging out with the person you like.” Needless to say, he has come so far in not only his own recovery but his knowledge of relationships.
This is why foundations matter. Without the foundations, there is no structure for a successful, connected, and healthy relationship.
My husband came from a divorced household and never witnessed a romantic relationship growing up. I, on the other hand, came from a household where my parents loved each other and worked together. We had the complete opposite upbringing, totally different environments, and vastly different life lessons before meeting each other.
Through all our differences, and challenges, we have made it. And we continue to make it, every day. Love is a choice, and it requires daily effort. That is why I know I can help
Want to Join One of Our Coaching Programs?
Aside from the Mod blog, if you and your partner need more hands on help, then the Relationship Evolution coaching program for couples struggling with trust, communication and sexual intimacy or our Recovery Revolution coaching program for porn addicts and betrayed partners is just the thing for you! In the program, we address the issues listed above and we get to the heart of the problems and get the two of you in a place of connection, intimacy, and love!
