From a Betrayed Partner with an SSA + IA Spouse Q: I have been neglecting my kids at some times. I don’t have the energy to play and laugh with them like I used to. I look a freaking mess. My house looks so messy as well. I perform at work just fine don’t even have...
From a Betrayed Partner with an SSA + IA Spouse Q: What is your best advice for a woman who was betrayed and have so much to give. She is also a loving mother, Daughter and sister. I can’t let him take my joy and energy back. I can’t let him hurt me so much. Should I...
From a Betrayed Partner with an SSA + IA Spouse Q: What are the healthy boundaries? You mention something about not playing the divorce card yet. But I truly don’t know if I can be part of his recovery with ups and downs. It will hurt me so much to find out he watch...
From a Betrayed Partner with an SSA + IA Spouse Q: How do I really know my husband has the right therapist and if it is actually going to help or prepare him to tackle his triggers and weakness. I’m afraid he is just shit playing this to play the victim as he has...
From a Betrayed Partner with an SSA + IA Spouse Q: On the article Addicted Brain for Dummies talks about how it is similar to the movie Beautiful Mind. I’m afraid his porn addiction will always be there even after recovery. It breaks my heart and I’m reconsidering if...
From a person not struggling with addiction, infidelity or betrayal in their relationship: Q: What do you suggest couples do if they find themselves stuck in difficult arguments/quarrels? Savvy Answers: Firstly, couples will have times they disagree throughout...
From a person not struggling with addiction, infidelity or betrayal in their relationship: Q: What advice would you give for couples to live a happy life? Savvy Answers: Given how broad this question is, I’ll give a general answer. While happiness can be nice,...
From a Betrayed Partner with an SSA Spouse: Q: A year after discovering my husbands addiction I have started to get extremely uncomfortable during sex and foreplay, to the point of asking him to stop. Is this normal? Savvy Answers: This question gives me reason to ask...
From a Betrayed Partner with an IA + SSA Spouse: Q: How do you know when is it time to give up on the marriage? Savvy Answers: When to give up on your marriage is one of the top questions I get asked. To begin the conversation you have to ask yourself these following...
From a betrayed partner with a SSA + IA partner Q: How do you start to get over the feeling of “not having been enough”? Savvy Answers: To answer your question, I want to say you’re asking the wrong question. The reality is you are more than enough. However,...
From a betrayed partner with a SSA + IA partner Q: Once trust has been broken so completely, how is it possible to stay together? Savvy Answers: If you are in the beginning stages of recovery (0-6 months post discovery) and you have not gotten any professional help,...
From a Betrayed partner with an SSA spouse: Q: My husband of 12 years whom is addicted to Porn told me today that he would be fine (no issues) if I were to talk online to guys, have cyber sex you name it. As long as we don’t ever meet up in person. How am I supposed...
From a person not struggling with addiction, infidelity or betrayal in their relationship: Q: How can you figure out where your partner enjoys being touched, kissed, and how they like to be touched and kissed? The Savvy Answer: There are a couple of ways to...
From a person not struggling with addiction, infidelity or betrayal in their relationship: Q: What should a partner be mindful of when addressing things with their partner (whether it’s day to day aspects or negotiating or tough topics)? The Savvy Answer: Being...
From a Betrayed partner with an SSA spouse: Q: As an LCPC I am very familiar with addiction. I have always seen a difference between ‘substance use addiction’ and others (gambling, video games sex porn). The biggest struggle I find I have is that I...
Q: How can couples make the best of their time together so that they enhance their connection each and every day? **This was a question submitted from someone who is not struggling with addiction, infidelity, or betrayal, and so my response is geared towards healthy...
Unfortunately too many betrayed partners get slapped with the label “codependent” or “co-addict” and it’s just not true (in most cases). Patrick Carnes developed the codependency model where it’s presumed that the partner of the...
Arguments are part of any healthy relationship. They are unavoidable, and can actually be a positive aspect of your relationship. Arguments show that you care, are passionate, and are not scared to speak your point of view. But, not all arguments are equal. Some...
“How long does recovery take and what are my long-term options?” That is the number one question I get asked from prospective clients going through betrayal trauma and sexual addiction. Below, I’m going to breakdown the various recovery paths and...
When people suffer from porn addiction and betrayal trauma, their odds of getting help and recovering are oftentimes low because porn addiction and betrayal trauma are not well understood by traditional therapists, and the debate is still out on whether or not porn...
Oftentimes the SSA™ (Sexual Stimulation Addict – masturbation, porn, and/or sex addict) will not fully commit and do a “fake out” in terms of recovery and can decieve their betrayed partner. In this video Chloe and I discuss the ways that the...
Porn addiction is a real addiction, and 1 in 3 guys between ages 15 & 50 are suffering porn induced erectile dysfunction because of it. Yes, porn can break your dick… so if you want to not break your dick, listen up! Here are signs porn could be a problem for you...
Why do people lie? Why do we all lie? That should conjure up some interesting conversations. Let’s not pretend that we all don’t do it in one form or another to one extent or the other at one time or another when the right opportunity, or should we say situation,...
Often partners who have had their partner have an affair or have a porn or sex addiction will end up with Betrayal Trauma – NOT Co-dependancy. Betrayal Trauma is a NORMAL reaction to betrayal. You’re NOT crazy! You’re 100% Valid in Your Feelings! You might be...
This post may piss people off, and that’s 100% fine. In fact, we all should get pissed. We all should realize that what I am about to discuss needs to be brought to light. The Big Ugly Truth: Your Kids Know. Your kids are aware something isn’t right. They know that...
The first real wide sweeping pandemic to affect the world to this magnitude is proving to be a formidable health threat to overcome. We haven’t seen these kinds of fatalities from a pandemic in a hundred years since World War I. The only difference between a pandemic...
It’s so common in today’s society for men to attack people who aren’t a fan of porn in their relationship. It’s why lots of women confide in their female friends if there’s a porn issue in their relationship. But these women are not expecting their female...
Ah, the penis. Every other person in the world has one. Yet, to many it’s a mystery. They don’t understand what it is or how it communicates to you – even if you have one! Many don’t know anything about it other than to keep it clean. So...
When my children were younger, toddlers, I recall how much anxiety it caused me when we went to the lake, the ocean, or even the pool. I found myself watching not only my children, but others’ children too. My head was constantly moving back and forth, counting,...
As I’ve researched the human brain over the years, what lies beneath the gray/grey matter that is the human brain, there are some very fascinating details about it that we’ve only discovered within the last decade. Everything we knew before was just wrong. We’re just...
We admitted we were powerless over sexaholism – that our lives had become unmanageable. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Made a...
90 Days! So what’s so special about it? I often speak of the coveted “90 Days”. We all do. Some call it “90 days of sobriety”. Others call it “90 days of abstinence”. I call it “90 days of healing”. After all, that’s really what it all boils down to and we are talking...
With 2020 well under way, I felt this would be a great time to provide for you some valuable lessons in what “genuine intimacy” really looks like. So without further ado, with Valentine’s Day just a month away, here is the list. WARNING Some of these...
Lots of people have heard the term “White Knuckling,” but do you know what it truly means? The definition is: someone who is avoiding recovery by doing minimal efforts to appear to others that they are achieving recovery, all the while, not truly learning...
I cannot believe we are at the end of 2019. I am honestly SO happy to have made it through this year. It’s been a very big, challening, and at times painful year. In this post I am going to be addressing me and my husband’s journey in recovery, the goals...
Actually, “counciling” isn’t even a word. But I utilize it to illustrate a point. I view much of what so-called premarital counseling is as nothing more than various miscellaneous and sundry council members with words of advice often fraught with (mis)information with...
I had been eyeing this car for a very long time. It solidified all of my hopes, dreams, and goals that truly represented and exemplified what I thought was pure success. It was coveted by my friends, colleagues, and acquaintances alike. It was, “Man, you are so damned...
Unpopular opinion – sometimes the only way to recover is to do something drastic. This does not necessarily mean that it’s the only thing to do, or that you should do something different for the sake of doing different. Sometimes recovering from SSA...
He was tired. My husband told me he was Tired. It was starting to get old though. You know that sort of tired where he won’t touch you for days and you start to question yourself as a woman? You know, where you are going crazy because the work stress passes, and...
Being able to stand up for yourself is huge when you’ve constantly been beaten down by lines like, “Its just porn, get over it.” “I’m not cheating, fuck every guy needs release.” “Maybe if you put out...
