We admitted we were powerless over sexaholism – that our lives had become unmanageable. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Made a...
90 Days! So what’s so special about it? I often speak of the coveted “90 Days”. We all do. Some call it “90 days of sobriety”. Others call it “90 days of abstinence”. I call it “90 days of healing”. After all, that’s really what it all boils down to and we are talking...
With 2020 well under way, I felt this would be a great time to provide for you some valuable lessons in what “genuine intimacy” really looks like. So without further ado, with Valentine’s Day just a month away, here is the list. WARNING Some of these...
Lots of people have heard the term “White Knuckling,” but do you know what it truly means? The definition is: someone who is avoiding recovery by doing minimal efforts to appear to others that they are achieving recovery, all the while, not truly learning...
I cannot believe we are at the end of 2019. I am honestly SO happy to have made it through this year. It’s been a very big, challening, and at times painful year. In this post I am going to be addressing me and my husband’s journey in recovery, the goals...
Actually, “counciling” isn’t even a word. But I utilize it to illustrate a point. I view much of what so-called premarital counseling is as nothing more than various miscellaneous and sundry council members with words of advice often fraught with (mis)information with...
I had been eyeing this car for a very long time. It solidified all of my hopes, dreams, and goals that truly represented and exemplified what I thought was pure success. It was coveted by my friends, colleagues, and acquaintances alike. It was, “Man, you are so damned...
Unpopular opinion – sometimes the only way to recover is to do something drastic. This does not necessarily mean that it’s the only thing to do, or that you should do something different for the sake of doing different. Sometimes recovering from SSA...
He was tired. My husband told me he was Tired. It was starting to get old though. You know that sort of tired where he won’t touch you for days and you start to question yourself as a woman? You know, where you are going crazy because the work stress passes, and...
Being able to stand up for yourself is huge when you’ve constantly been beaten down by lines like, “Its just porn, get over it.” “I’m not cheating, fuck every guy needs release.” “Maybe if you put out more, I wouldn’t...
At The Mod, we have couples coming from all over the place seeking help regarding their partner’s SSA (Sexual Stimulation Addiction – Masturbation, Pornography, and/or Sex addiction) and their own Betrayal Trauma. Most couples make the mistake of thinking...
When most people think of fighting, they think of a boxing ring with two heavyweight fighters in opposite corners coming out ready to swing. This can also happen in our relationships, where we are so invested in what we believe, we end up like those two boxers....
Let me preface this by saying that there are 11 different types of Intimacy. 10 of which stand alone, but in and of themselves and their creation in the different intimacy pillars. Sexually Intimacy, takes 4 or more types of Intimacy to come into creation. Sex...
People LOVE zombies and zombie movies. This is just a fact. If they didn’t then zombie TV shows wouldn’t continue to stay on the air long after the plots run out. However, it’s purely speculation that there will never be a zombie apocalypse. Not the...
Once we get to Labor Day weekend, it often marks the end of Summer for us all. The day after, we begin to see signs of the upcoming holiday season as merchants rush to the starting line as if they can get a head start on seasonal revenues. After all, that is what the...
It’s no secret that divorce is one of the most traumatic events you can go through in life, from the early days of deciding to split, through to the legalities and then, after the dust has settled, piecing your life back together again. This is especially true if you...
Whether a couple is struggling with finances, communication, sex, intimacy, trust, or bringing back the spark after a 16 year marriage with kids leaving for college, many couples often don’t seek help for their issues until 6 years down the line. As a...
Virtually every major in college has a requirement for at least one economics class in order to graduate. And generally speaking, it is your introductory course, commonly referred to as Economics 101, or Econ for short. One of the fundamental concepts we learn in Econ...
When recovering from SSA (Sexual Stimulation Addiction – masturbation, pornography, and/or sex addiction) and Betrayal Trauma, there are going to be things that get in the way. Many times, when we talk with clients and potential clients struggling with SSA & BT...
What choice do I have? Let’s examine that word closely and expand on what it really means to us. “…an act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities…” SSA = Sexual Stimulation Addiction (i.e. masturbation, pornography, and/or sex...
Disclosure! “To tell, or not to tell. That is the question” ~ Shakespeare (but not really) Many people, as it pertains to disclosure have often questioned “Should I tell my partner any (all) of my past indiscretions?” People have even gone so far as to ask “What if...
Is he ready? Let’s take a look at it and see. When we experience Betrayal Trauma, oftentimes it becomes a real battle to get our addicted Partner to come to terms with their addiction. They really would rather you just leave them alone. But you can’t and you’re not...
What does that even mean anyway? I’m not talking about Webster’s Dictionary definition of it, which by the way is feeling sorrow, regret, or penitence; mournful, sad; inspiring sorrow, pity, scorn, or ridicule, pitiful. The first definition surrounds a state of...
OK, so I don’t watch the ABC reality television program The Bachelor or The Bachelorette because quite frankly, in my view, it is a mockery of relationships and marriage. But I did get sucked into going back and watching Season 15 of the Bachelorette for reasons I...
What are the Indicators of Success? What are the indicators of achievement? Those are some very interesting questions. Almost unequivocally, every single person who is addicted, and also those who suffer from betrayal trauma, has been wounded. And most were wounded...
The very word, BRoACH™, is defined in the dictionary as to raise (a sensitive or difficult subject) for discussion. Boundaries, Rules (of Accountability), Consequences, & Honor is all about approaching this very sensitive and difficult subject. Before you begin to...
So for those who’ve followed us, you know we’ve gone through so many changes and transformations since 2017. Part of that is the natural evolution of a business, and other changes are from the insane knowledge I’ve learned from some AMAZING programs!...
I remember a comedian some years ago, whose name I won’t mention because he was just such a vile, foul mouthed, human being. I recall thinking everything he said was hysterical at the time, but as I’ve aged, I don’t necessarily find most of his material all that funny...
That seems to be the compelling questions over Masturbation. Is there such a thing? There is a whole lot of debate surrounding this very subject. So, dig in, take a look, and add clarity so that you can make an informed decision, and decide for yourself. A Necessary...
NATURAL CONSEQUENCES Recently I was reminded of “indirect consequences”. For almost everything in life, we have “natural consequences” to bear for our mindlessness. I have written about these before. Forget your jacket, you’re cold. Forget your...
According to Merriam Webster’s Dictionary, the definition of perfection is as follows: the quality or state of being perfect, such as a: freedom from fault or defect, flawlessness b: maturity c: the quality or state of being saintly 2. an exemplification of...
What I am about to tell you is no laughing matter. I’m quite certain opinions will vary and be as diverse as justice is disproportionately served. I want to share with you Bryan’s Story because it demonstrates (how poignant with emphasis on “demon”): The...
Savannah and I began talking about how horrible it is to read and hear stories about those trying to get help, only to be hurt by the professional they sought help from. We both realized it was something that needed to be addressed. So, we decided to work together and...
Starting The Process Mental health can be very difficult to talk about. In some families, it may not be. It may be a very open topic due to several members having diagnoses, working in the mental health community, or both. My house has a combination- I’ve spent...
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve (we’ve) witnessed a Betrayed Partner ask this question, I could be trotting the globe in a state of blissful retirement right about now. WHY DO THEY ASK? When a Betrayed Partner becomes so distraught over their betrayal, their...
Once again, what started out as a simple question has evolved into a full blown discussion. I was working with a young sex addict; a young adult teenage woman. You do the math (that means she had to be between 18 – 19 years old). Yes, just as much as there is no...
Kids need a lot from us as they grow. They don’t always realize it, but we do. We see it in their faces when they have had a bad day and need a hug. Their eyes show what they don’t say. When our child falls and skins a knee, they might want to act tough but yet, the...
When you are recovering from porn addiction and betrayal trauma, the importance of getting expert help cannot be understated. Making your priority number one is the way to overcome your addiction and trauma and reconstruct your new relationship. One of the things that...
Because of the very nature of what I do, I often have the time, opportunity, and privilege to work with some of the most remarkable women in the world; notwithstanding my wonderful colleagues that I routinely work very closely with (don’t let that go to your head). I...
Writer’s NOTE: Updated for 2020 to reflect changes in Programming at The Modern Mr. & Mrs., LLC. Gaslighting! What is it? Well, it’s not lighting gas for a stove, a fireplace, or a grill if that’s what you’re thinking. If you go look it up on the internet,...
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