Often, when someone is in addiction, or their partner is in addiction, the job or career they or their partner is in, isn’t the right fit for being clean and sober, or the job they have isn’t their dream career.

Clients can explore their passions in life and their abilities professionally and figure out if they are in the right career for their dream Recovery Lifestyle

Family can be challenging. Let’s be honest, most addicts that struggle from addiction didn’t have the ideal parents at home. 80% of SSA’s™ experience abuse and trauma in their childhood.

Knowing how to discern boundaries with family members, address recovery with family members, and even who to tell and not tell can be overwhelming. Having goals and a game plan for family is HUGE in designing your Recovery Lifestyle.

Because it’s not only your family of origin you want to know how to address, but it’s also creating your new family with your partner.

There are times where finances and budgeting were never skills learned growing up, or maybe the SSA™ spent thousands of dollars on their addiction and now finances are a struggle.

In building your Recovery Lifestyle you might want to address how to be more financially healthy in daily choices, and game planning for the future.

It’s not uncommon for clients to come to us where the addict never finished school and dropped out, and is in a job they hate, or where the betrayed partner never finished school and has stayed home raising the kids.

Many times it’s not uncommon for part of the Recovery Lifestyle goals to include going back to school to fill a passion they’ve had, but never got to do.

Friends don’t always get it. There can be friends you’ve had since you were 5 years old who suddenly turn on you when they sing out you’re struggling with SSA™, or that your partner is struggling with SSA™.

Friends can say porn isn’t a problem, or that you’re overreacting, or the addiction doesn’t even exist, which is invalidation your experience.

These are the people who are not recovery friendly, and learning how to address these situations is key for learning how to be safe in recovery, respect yourself and figure out healthy boundaries.

Recovery is mind, body, and spirit. That means you have to take care of your body in recovery. Even if you’re healthy in your eating, are you getting enough sleep? Are you exercising enough?

Many times when someone is struggling with addiction, they don’t take care of themselves. Betrayed partners can also fall into unhealthy habits in trauma as well.

When designing your Recovery Lifestyle, having health goals can really be a game changer!

Whether you have kids or are having kids, kids put a huge strain on recovery. Many times the addict has no idea how to be emotionally close to their partner, let alone their children.

Many times, pregnancy can be one of the biggest challenges for couples going through SSA™ & Betrayal Trauma. Addressing parenting goals can be a key part of building their healthy Recovery Lifestyle.

In recovery community is key! Finding people you can relate to, learn from, bond with, and lean on is so important in recovery. 

Having safe people to talk to, confide in, and get help from can make this journey easier than if you were alone and isolated. Community can be church, 12-step meetings, recovery groups and so much more. The point is to not be isolated as you’re in recovery.

Addiction thrives in isolation, and Recovery thrives in community

Household responsabilities, aka chores! Many times the one struggling with addiction can barely take care of themselves, and can leave their home environment a mess, or leave the responsability to their partner to take care of everything.

When designing your Recovery Lifestyle, figuring out a balanced and healthy way to take care of the home environment is key! You want it to be balanced, fair, and a team effort.

As you’re designing your Recovery Lifestyle, making sure your environment is safe and trigger free is key to having a successful recovery! Having tons of things that trigger you around can set you back, both as the SSA™ or as the betrayed partner. Taking the time to keep your environment recovery friendly is huge! 

Gaslighting is psychological abuse. Often, SSA’s™ don’t even know that they are doing this, but once they learn, it’s key to STOP the abuse. Many struggling with addiction don’t want to be abusive.

Many SSA’s™ have no idea that they struggle with Ogling. They also don’t know the patterns of their addiction and how to figure out whether they are healing and moving forward or staying stuck.

If you’re experiencing Ogling and feeling stuck in recovery, getting help with Ogling will be key in helping you achieve the Recovery Lifestyle you want!

What is recovery without Boundaries, Rules of Accountability, Consequences, and Honor?

Many struggle to create and enforce BRoACH, whether with their partner or others, so learning how to set proper boundaries and consequences is key to successful recovery!

Self-Esteem often is a huge area that needs to be addressed in recovery, for both the SSA™ & the betrayed partner. The goals with building self-esteem vary depending on how deeply this has impacted you.

During recovery you are going to need to be able to take time for self-care, learn coping skills so you can handle stress. Many times addicts are in their addiction because they use for stress relief.

Learning skills intead of going back to destructive patterns is key to getting you to your dream Recovery Lifestyle!

Each person needs to be able to own “their shit” so to speak. Part of recovery is taking ownership, being accountable, and being responsable. With coaching, you get accountability automatically, and we work on the responsability and ownership!

Often both the betrayed and SSA™ struggle with the question “Who Am I?” The reality is while you’re in addiction or trau,a, that is NOT the real you, and as you go into recovery, you start to discovery the real you. 

Holidays and Summer are HUGE times of year where addicts relapse and betrayed partners end up in horrible pain. Holidays are about family, and family can be a huge trigger. Learning how to handle holidays, plan, and prepare is key to not relapsing and continuing on the recovery journey.

In SSA™, summer can be a horrible time because of the weather and clothes, and it’s a nightmare for the betrayed. Planning is key to preventing relapses and more pain.

Trust is KEY to relationship reconstruction. Without Trust (and Micro-Trust) relationship reconstruction will not happen.

Sexual recovery is a huge part of the relationship reconstruction. Learning how to have sex again, in a healthy, safe, and respectful manner cannot be overlooked when entering Relationship Reconstruction.

Some couples need time a part. That is 100% okay and can be very healthy, clarifying, and healing. A separation doesn’t mean failure.

The reason why separations have such a bad rep in the relationship world is that people do them WRONG.

There is an effective way to have a separation that can lead you back to each other if that’s the goal of the separation.

Doing a separation without scheduling sessions with coach or therapist can be the worst thing to do in your relationship. 

Learning how to communicate in a healthy, effective, validating, and emathetic way is essential to reconstructing a healthy relationship.

If you don’t have safety, you’re not going to have a healthy relationship. Same goes for respect. These are key elements in having a successful relationship. 

Often the betrayed partner, after D’Day (Discovery Day) has NO IDEA what the hell they want. Do you stay, do you go?

Betrayed partners can be paraylzed, confused, or even jump the gun on this one! When considering your options, knowing that it’s wise to wait 1 full year from D’Day can save you heartache down the line.

You don’t want to make a rash emotional decision like divorce, and regret it later.

You want to make sure you make the right decision for you, and that takes time to process, heal, and come to this decision with a logical head on your shoulders.

Intimacy is NOT sex. Intimacy is an entirely different skill that you need, to then have meaningful, intimate, connecting sex. 

Disclosure is a part of recovery. However, disclosures are often botched and biased. Having proper preparation and after care is KEY to avoiding a botched disclosure with a therapist. 

Just as Trust is Key, so is Amends. Without remorse and true amends from the SSA, the betrayed partner will never heal, and thus, the relationship reconstruction cannot occur. If the SSA doesn’t understand the pain they’ve caused their betrayed partner, they can’t move foward until the betrayed partner feels safe, understood, and validated, so they can feel safe enough to move forward with their SSA™.