The Recovery Lifestyle Community brings together recovering sexual addicts, intimacy anorexics, and their betrayed partners to continue working individual and couples recovery in a community setting, so that members can gain connection with like-minded individuals, accountability for our recoveries, and build out our recovery lifestyles together.
I’m the oldest child in my family and was raised in an entrepreneurial family. When I was 15, my passion for understanding human behavior and healthy relationships began. Originally I pursued writing at SCAD, until I transferred to John Jay College of Criminal Justice and got my Bachelors in Forensic Psychology.
During that time I met my husband, Jak, and discovered his sexual addiction and intimacy anorexia. My husband and I didn’t have much professional help at the time so I used my education and skills from psychology to create our own roadmap to recovery, which I now teach to my clients!
On my Big D’Day where I discovered everything, I told Jak…
“I can’t live with an active addict, but I can stay with one in recovery.”
That statement – that boundary – was the beginning of our recovery journey.
June 6th, 2016 changed our lives forever.
I discovered that there were not any therapists that were familiar with or believed in “porn addiction.” I did, however, find many online communities in my journey. Some communities were helpful, and other’s were not. One online community had many toxic elements that detracted from our recovery. Sadly we stayed there for a while before moving on.
On our own, I decided to take all my knowledge of addiction and trauma from school and applied it to Jak and myself. We started with recovery books. I luckily had an amazing trauma therapist for myself that was open to learning about porn addiction and betrayal trauma. However, Jak was not as fortunate.
Jak found therapists… but they didn’t know about porn addiction, they thought “female friendly porn” would be fine, they blamed me (you know the “guys will by guys” attitude), and one even sat back for 3 months until one day the therapist said, “I don’t know why you’re seeing me, you don’t have a problem.” Talk about bad therapy, professional trauma, and invalidation! Our experiences with professionals were abismal.
I also knew many others were having the exact same experiences as Jak and I. With my own experience with addiction as well as betrayal trauma, my husband’s addiction, my natural ability to help others, and my education, I decided that I had to do something about this.
I had to stop the cycle of people getting traumatized by professionals that didn’t know a thing about betrayal trauma, sex addiction or intimacy anorexia. So I created my company and had a recovery friend, Chloe, join me in my venture.
She and her husband, Cliff, had 2 years of recovery on us, and we in the small percentage in the online community I knew to have both individually as well as relationally recovered from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma where there were no slips or relapses, simply recovery.
In our time in the various online communities, we watched so many addicts fail, lie, and abuse betrayed partners on the sites. We watched the betrayed partners tear each other down and hide in private groups and chats talking about fantasies about cheating on their husbands. We were prominent members in the communities, doing our best to help others over those years, and we learned a lot. We learned the biggest pitfalls, the most common mistakes, and we did the opposite of what everyone else was doing.
Our approach to recovery was put down in most of the communities.
We didn’t care though. We stuck to it and it worked!
Now, Jak and Cliff celebrate their 5 and 7 year sobriety birthdays of being clean in June 2021!
Now I help clients enter marriage confidently as well as help married couples struggling from sexual addiction, intimacy anorexia, and betrayal trauma overcome the challenge and build out a successful recovery lifestyle.
Jak and I are about to celebrate 5 years of sobriety as well as 6 years of being together!
We celebrate the process we have made as individuals, parents, and a couple by expanding on our original mission to stop the cycle of re-traumatization by professionals.
We are opening The Recovery Lifestyle Community on Jak’s 5 Year Sobriety Birthday (June 6th, 2021) to enable recovering sexual addicts, intimacy anorexics, and their betrayed partners to have a safe, high-quality, high-end, recovery community so that you don’t ever have to fall into the mainstream toxic communites in your recovery!
In The Recovery Lifestyle Community Our Goals For You As A Member Are:
✓ To gain meaningful, life-long, friendships that are recovery positive so that you are never alone and isolated in recovery!
✓ To gain skills, knowledge, and implementation of foundational recovery skills such as boundaries, healthy communication, parenting in recovery, and building trust
✓ To be comfortable setting up recovery support partners on your own when you click with another member to hold yourself accountable in recovery
✓ To learn from one another on your recovery journey, and with the collective wisdom, enable future members to have an easier time on their recovery journey
The Recovery Lifestyle Community is the right fit for you if:
> You and/or your partner have already gotten some type of therapy, coaching, or completed take home programs.
> You know recovery happens with commitment, investment, and consistent action. You understand each person has to do their own work for the marriage to work.
> You want to connect to other like-minded individuals on the same level as you who don’t make excuses, blame their partners, or are generally in the denial phase or DIY phase. You know, have a Mastermind of amazing people working towards the same goals!
> You want to participate and give back to others as you excel and move forward in your own recovery journey
> You and your partner have stopped abusive cycles, have owned “your own shit” and have been working toward healthy communication, sex, and are wanting to build trust with each other.
> You want to essentially be able to be in a healthy recovery environment online and make life-long friendships and help each other in this journey.
The Recovery Lifestyle Community is NOT the right fit for you if:
> You and/or your partner have not invested nor believe in spending money on your own self-development and have not had therapy, coaching, or take home programs in your past.
> You don’t think recovery is a lifestyle change, but simply have the mindset of “I quit porn, what else do you want from me?”
> You want to DIY your recovery or are still in any type of denial or blaming. (i.e. I don’t have a problem, they do.)
> You don’t plan to participate in the community regularly to learn and give back.
> You are being abusive towards your partner (i.e. gaslighting, yelling, throwing things, physically getting violent, raping your partner).
> You rather be on the free online communities that enable addiction, blame partners, or encourage betrayed partners to cheat on their addicted spouses.
June 6th, 2021 we plan to change your lives!
When you enter The Recovery Lifestyle Community you will be in a space where you are free to post, share, and be safe. This community is all about sharing knowledge, supporting one another, being there, and really building a strong community of safety and forward momentum in recovery.
To get on the waitlist or for more detailed community information please put your info below, and I look forward to seeing you soon!
Q: Is there live coaching in the community?
A: We plan to host “Recovery Hour” similar to “Office Hour” where you can tune in with your questions on recovery and get feedback and strategy for your recovery from the coach and/or recovery mentor, and we plan to have “Recovery Conversations” on a topic related to that month’s theme or on a topic that we feel inspired to bring to the community where everyone on the call can have conversations about the topic, share their perspectives, thoughts, and connect.
Q: If I am not 3+ months sober can I still join?
A: If you are at a place where you are clear headed, out of the fog, are 100% honest, you take ownership of your choices, are accountable to yourself and others, and are respectful to your partner, then you are at a place to join. We use 3 months as a bench mark for when most start to become clearer in their thinking.
Q: What if I join knowing I’m recovering from sexual addiction and realize I also am going through IA? Can I still stay?
A: Yes you can still stay. It would be expected that you are ready though to invest in Doug Weiss’s IA recovery workbook, IA book, and Emotional Fitness book to move your recovery forward and also get the best support. (Aprox investment for Doug Weiss’s IA, MA, and Emotional Fitness workbooks and books – $125-$225)
Q: Is there an option for group coaching or private coaching in TRLC?
A: As of launching, not at this time. We are in the works of revamping old offers into a 3 month group coaching program for both the betrayed and the sexually addicted and hope to launch that in Fall 2021. If you’re interested in private coaching, see if our program Knights & Warriors is a fit!
Q: What if I am shy and don’t want to share my story yet?
A: That’s fine, get a feel for the community. There will be monthly themes to discuss more broadly, there will be polls, questions, and recovery discussions. If you don’t want to post a long winded story on your life and recovery you don’t have to.
Q: Can I private message you and/or the other hosts?
A: Privately messaging a host or coach should be strictly to let us know about if other members are breaking rules, if there is a payment issue, or checking whether a link is an appropriate link for the community. Given we don’t offer a private coaching tier in the community as of right now, we will redirect you to share with the community to get community feedback first and if you’re still stuck, you can tag us on your thread!
Q: How often will you and the other hosts be in the community?
A: I will be on the community at least every other day if not daily. I’ll be in there reading, commenting, engaging in discussion with everyone else and making sure the community stays safe and friendly and also make amazing connections with you and others.